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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The two graphs below show the average hours of daily sunshine and temperature throughout the year in two cities in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two graphs below show the average hours of daily sunshine and temperature throughout the year in two cities in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided line graphs depict two main features
temperature
Use synonyms
 and average
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 throughout the year in two different cities of Australia., namely
Darwin
Use synonyms
 and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
. The units are measured in the numbers of months,
hours
Use synonyms
 and
temperature
Use synonyms
degrees
Use synonyms
. Generally speaking, it is evident that in
Darwin
Use synonyms
 city of Australia, average
temperature
Use synonyms
 has a tendency to rise in comparison with
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 average
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 vary month by month. It is clear that the average
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 in January comprised only 6,
while
Linking Words
 in July it reached the highest point at 18
degrees
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 reached the nadir with approximately 8
degrees
Use synonyms
 in December.
However
Linking Words
, in
Darwin
Use synonyms
, January tends to be warmer at 18
degrees
Use synonyms
 with a peak in August at 30
degrees
Use synonyms
 taking a nosedive in December at 21
degrees
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the average
sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 throughout the year in two different Australian cities were overwhelmingly different. In January 6
hours
Use synonyms
 were full of sunny in
Darwin
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 it comprised 10. But, in March
this
Linking Words
 tendency changed into prevalence in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and in November 10
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 was in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
Darwin
Use synonyms
 it hit the bottommost point of 8
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, hours, sunshine, darwin, melbourne, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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