Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. films stars, pop musicians or sports starts) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Wich other types of job should be highly paid?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is a popular opinion in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that
women
should prefer career and personal development to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family values and children. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
another
gorup
Correct your spelling
group
of do not want to agree and tend to live in traditional families where men and
women
save their gender roles. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I am going to
diecuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
both sideos of the argument and
then
argue in favour of
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
approach. For centuries
women
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
opressed
Correct your spelling
oppressed
expressed
by
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
in many cultures and countries but now both groups are almost balanced and,
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
women
have a
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
. In
this
situation, it
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
not fair to force somebody to follow old-style gender roles in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of getting a desired life. Developed medicine
prolongues
Correct your spelling
prolongs
prologues
active life and choosing
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
does not matter that later
this
person would not be a mother.
Moreover
, some families
sucessfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
share their chores and other duties like
growing up
Verb problem
raising
show examples
their children.
On the other hand
, some
women
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
really want to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housewife
Fix the agreement mistake
housewives
show examples
or
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
.
Unfortunatelly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
,
this
behaviour is not
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the trend today and it can be hard to
proof
Verb problem
prove to
show examples
yourself that higher education, work and career
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not the only goals that society respects. Being a good mother can be as hard as a
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
job and
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
show examples
to dedicate
Change preposition
of dedicating
show examples
all
Correct article usage
the avalible
show examples
avalible
Correct your spelling
available
time to
this
activity can be very
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
to the child. In my opinion,
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
the balanced
show examples
approach is the best way to cope with all family challenges. I believe that trends are changing over time and one thing
that is
popular now will be forgotten later. Anyway, I think that every person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
the same rights and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society can not decide
Correct your spelling
what
whot
Correct your spelling
what
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
should do
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to avoid spelling mistakes and typos such as 'oppressed,' 'choice,' 'discuss,' 'beneficial,' and 'unfortunately.' This will make your essay easier to read and understand.
task achievement
Ensure you provide clear, specific examples to support your points. This enhances the task achievement of your essay, making it more persuasive and credible.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence. Proper grammar can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that main points are fully explained and illustrated. This improves coherence and helps the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for discussing both sides of the argument. This is great for coherence and task response.
task achievement
You provide a thoughtful discussion of both perspectives, which clearly shows you are addressing the task comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, providing a clear resolution to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Market-driven economy
  • Societal value
  • Revenue generation
  • Public welfare
  • Compensation disparity
  • Essential services
  • Consumer culture
  • Media influence
  • Undervalued professions
  • Societal imbalance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: