IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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People have different views on whether
student
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students
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 should be
teached
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teaching
 other
coursers
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courses
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 on top of their main curriculum or stay focused on studying the major.
While
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a
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an
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 additional subject can be sometimes useful in life, I believe that studying only
an
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a
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 major is more important. On the one hand,
double
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the double
a double
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 major can have a great positive impact on the
Use synonyms
students
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student's
students'
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 future by giving them an additional qualification that they can use to work on jobs;
Accordingly
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, having
an
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a
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plan-B
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plan B
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 is always a good choice because
students
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 will have an extra option in case if they fail to find a job.
Furthermore
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, when student takes more classes or
filling
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fill
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 their timetable can broaden
students
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' knowledge.
For instance
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,
students
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 who take calculus on top of their main course can enhance their critical thinking and problem-solving skills.
Finally
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, lessons with
the
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a
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 wide variety of people and teachers can expand the communication abilities of a student,
as well as
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 the amount of contact that could benefit them in the future. It can
therefore
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 be argued that
double
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a double
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 major should be
prefered
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preferred
 in order to have many other options on top of the main major.
On the other hand
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, it is perhaps even more important to focus on the many
subject
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subjects
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that
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is
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are
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 connected to
main
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the main
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 major. In the workplace,
students
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 are expected to best at their
job
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jobs
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, not having a variety of
works
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work
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.
Moreover
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, many employers believe that pupils should choose quality over
quanity
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quantity
 to have
a higher chances
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a higher chance
higher chances
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 of getting the right workplace.
Furthermore
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, not having an overfilled timetable can greatly improve self-confidence
and
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apply
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gain way less amount of stress, and
feeling themselves
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feel
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 better by not pushing over their boundaries.
In addition
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, learners could have more chances to visit their families or
relaxing
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relax
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 with
the
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apply
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friends by having
much
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a much
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less
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smaller
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 number of classes than the double major
students
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. In conclusion, including all the beneficial sides of having
an extra lessons
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extra lessons
an extra lesson
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, I believe, that
single
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a single
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 major is way more
advantegous
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advantageous
.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task response
Your introduction clearly presents the two sides of the argument and your thesis statement. However, it would benefit from a clearer expression. For example, 'while an additional subject can be sometimes useful in life' could be rephrased as 'while studying additional subjects can sometimes be beneficial.'
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, make sure each point is fully developed. Some ideas are introduced but not thoroughly explained, such as the impact on communication skills and the reduced stress from a less packed schedule. Ensure each point is sufficiently supported with examples or further explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy. For example, 'double major can have a great positive impact' can be revised to 'pursuing a double major can greatly benefit students'. This refinement will improve the overall coherence and readability of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
You present balanced viewpoints by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of focusing on a single major versus taking additional subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument and reinforces your opinion, which helps to leave a strong final impression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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