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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. 4

The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. 4
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The given chart demonstrates
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
export
Use synonyms
value
Use synonyms
 in different categories between 2015 and 2016 in percents.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
export
Use synonyms
 earnings have 5 various product categories, which are petroleum
products
Use synonyms
, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural
products
Use synonyms
 and textiles. It is seen that over a year the change in
value
Use synonyms
 of gems and jewellery class decreased,
while
Linking Words
 others increased.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is a 3% increase in earnings of petroleum
products
Use synonyms
export
Use synonyms
, making it the most profitable category with over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in both years.
Then
Linking Words
 by the amount of money comes the engineered goods that gained
8,5
Correct article usage
an 8,5
show examples
% increase.
As a result
Linking Words
 in
2016
Add a comma
2016,
show examples
 the
value
Use synonyms
 rate
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 70
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. The
export
Use synonyms
 categories of gems and
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
 were distinguished on a smaller scale,
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it’s the only one that had a 5,18% decrease
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 previous year. The increase of agricultural
products
Use synonyms
value
Use synonyms
 can be considered as negligible because it’s less than 1% (0,81), so the earnings stayed at the worth of 40
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. The same monetary
value
Use synonyms
 is typical for textiles in 2016.
Year
Add an article
The year
A year
show examples
 before that, the worth was slightly more than 30
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 category is equal to the
last
Linking Words
 one
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it has the biggest percentage change in 
value
Use synonyms
 (15,24%).

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words export, value, products, billion, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • export value
  • economic sector
  • percentage change
  • increment
  • decrement
  • fluctuation
  • trend analysis
  • year-on-year comparison
  • significant growth/decline
  • stagnation
  • market dynamics
  • fiscal repercussions
  • trade balance
  • competitive advantage
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