IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Curiosity can be seen in many ways. Please share an example of how you have demonstrated curiosity and how that has influenced your growth.

#curiosity #growth
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As I mentioned earlier, when I was in the school era, I
sell
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sold
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 things that were trending at that time. Not only that, in the college era, I was working as an intern
for
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apply
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5 times. Starting from being a marketing team in a startup, project management, sales and business development, and the
last
 one as a management consultant. Outside interning in some companies, I like to learn new things that are far from my specialization,
such
 as coding classes and I found that I didn’t enjoy coding that much. From knowing that, I was satisfied enough because at least I know that coding is not my thing, so I can focus on my strengths. I kept
tryring
Correct your spelling
trying
 to find which specialization that suits me the most. Try another one and keep looking and trying new things. Luckily, later I realize that I actually like understanding every aspect, not in a deeper level, but I can connect the dots between all of it. As the more I understand myself, I can be more selective on which specialization
that
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I want to focus on. I know learning something new is good, but it will be better if we build on our strengths that
areclose
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are close
 to our goals rather than keep
tryring
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trying
 on our weaknesses. We as a human have the same amount of time, 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. We have to be more mindful of how we use our time in order to maximise the outputs.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear attempt at a logical structure, but it would benefit from a more defined introduction and conclusion. This can help frame your response and provide smoother transitions.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and details to support your points. For instance, elaborating on what you learned during your internships could make your essay more impactful.
task achievement
Avoid minor typographical and grammatical errors. Proofread your work to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Your essay presents a well-rounded view of how curiosity has shaped your personal and professional growth.
task achievement
There is a good amount of detail in describing your experiences, particularly your various internships and efforts to learn new skills.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow, making it easy for the reader to follow your thought process.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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