Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
As time marches on, we find it more difficult to maintain cultures as we are now, more than ever before,
are
in contact with Unnecessary verb
apply
people
of other cultures, and it is only natural that this
exposure have
effects. In my view, Change the verb form
has
while
it is important to maintain our way of life, it should not hinder relation
with Fix the agreement mistake
relations
people
that are different.
Whereas
in the past that
Correct word choice
apply
communicating
was limited to Replace the word
communication
people
close to each other, today people
are constantly in communication this
phenomenon has led to massive cultural exchanges. As a
result
we can clearly see Add a comma
result,
people
adhering to the same principles and hold
the same values all around the world. It is because of Wrong verb form
holding
this
fact that some people
may argue what is the point of preserving culture. For instance
, music and sound has
long been a critical part of every Correct subject-verb agreement
have
cultural
, Replace the word
culture
however
, today classical tones are no longer popular and different genres of music have appeared
which are the clear result of cultural influence.
Nevertheless
, keeping with tradition is not without its merits. The way of our forebears was born out of their history and what they found out
to be true and virtuous. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, even now, how they lived might be useful for us. Moreover
, if the traditions are not preserved the history and stories they bear might be all forgotten. Dead languages that are part of the cultural
are good examples. With every language that Replace the word
culture
die
all the expressions Change the verb form
dies
and
die as well.
Correct word choice
apply
To conclude
, while
it is important to keep and maintain our way of life, I think it should not become a barrier that keeps us from interacting with others. In other words
, the best path ahead of us in this
matter is to find a balance that is
not too strict as to sever all contact.Submitted by parsaj1381 on
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task response
Your essay addresses the task prompt effectively, discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. However, you could further enhance the completeness of your response by developing your ideas more thoroughly and using more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Strive to improve the logical flow of your ideas. For instance, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and certain points could be better integrated. Reorganizing sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence could help.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, employing more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures would improve your essay. Clarifying your points more explicitly and ensuring accurate use of grammatical structures would also be beneficial.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps set the context and summarize your stance on the topic effectively.
task response
You successfully addressed both views presented in the task prompt, showing a balanced perspective.
task response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and engages in a meaningful discussion about preserving traditional culture vs. embracing cultural exchanges.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example