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Band 5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences arethe key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishments #offences #arethe #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety
People
 hold different views about whether charging substantial penalties is
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 way
for reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
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traffic
accidents
 or not. Personally, I support that strict punishments avert driving
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
show examples
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
essey
Correct your spelling
essay
demonstrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrates
show examples
firstly
adding
Correct word choice
that adding
show examples
 a prison sentence or revoking a license to the list of punishments helps to improve safety
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
 followed by an analysis
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
 suggested actions , is not valid. The main reason to attach importance
of
Change preposition
to
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 sentences
it
Correct your spelling
is
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 that
this
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the responsibility whenever everyone thinks it is
minor
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a minor
show examples
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 and can easily be dealt with its punishment.
That is
 to say
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 youngsters
creat
Correct your spelling
create
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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peril for both
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and other drivers'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
as
Change preposition
by
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 drunk driving or speeding. Recent investigations show that the
traffic
Correct quantifier usage
number of traffic
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accidents'
Change noun form
accidents
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 victims cut down
more
Change preposition
by more
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1
Change preposition
than 1
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million every year, and drinking drivers and overlooking rules intentionally play
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 role in these
accidents
.
Consequently
, if
people
 know that they can not avoid amenability not only
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 paying
minor
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a minor
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 financial
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 could be applied more heavily punishments
such
 as a prison sentence or to revoke a license, they would take
relus
Correct your spelling
relies
 seriously
instead
 of
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
threat costless life
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
 undervaluing them. Those opposed to
this
 say that key actions are periodical education and training, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
traffic
accidents
' results and how can make
roads
 more safety.
In addition
, governments need to promote escaping from private cars in an attempt to reduce
traffic
 congestion and the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
novice drivers by improving public
transport's
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transport
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 service and offering more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 alternatives.
However
, these suggestions seem like a solution for risky
roads
,
accidents
 are mostly caused by irresponsibility,
noy
Correct your spelling
and
 ignorance, and
on the other hand
, all
this
 is scanty to deter
people
 from owning a private car. In conclusion, though it is thought that other measures are more effective
to decrease
Change preposition
in decreasing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
accidents
,
according to
 the illumination above, I believe there is
key
Add an article
a key
show examples
 point
is
Correct your spelling
in
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appling
Correct your spelling
applying
 heavy penalties that
people
 act within the law and
as a result
 can
be reach
Change the verb form
reach
show examples
 safe
roads
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state both views before presenting your opinion to give a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using a variety of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity.
task achievement
The essay covers both views and includes a clear personal opinion, which is essential for this type of task.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, providing a strong finish to the essay.
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