IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, •give details of your study plans •explain why you want to get a part- time job •suggest how your friend could help you find a job.

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #•give #plans #•explain #part- #time #•suggest
Dear Susan, I hope you are doing well. I'm writing to ask you
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
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 me to find a part-time job. As you know, I'm going to study in another country where you live. Honestly, I'm interested in English.
Hence
, I would like to study at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 university where located in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 country. To assist in covering the cost of my study, I decide to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
part-time job. Not only to pay the cost of college, but
also
 I know that the rental apartment in the city will not be cheap and
besides
 that, I need the money
for purchasing
Change preposition
to purchase
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food. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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, I would like to arrange some temporary employment before I arrive. I was wondering if you could ask around among your friends or familiars to see if anyone wants a nanny for their children or
Correct article usage
a house-cleaner
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house-cleaner
Correct your spelling
house cleaner
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. I think you know a lot of people and jobs there. I will be grateful if you help me to find
the
Correct article usage
a
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 job. I look forward to seeing you soon. Best wishes. Lucy.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your study plans to give a complete picture of your intentions. This will help in achieving a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar accuracy to improve logical flow. For example, 'To assist in covering the cost of my study' could be more fluidly stated as 'To help cover my study costs'
task achievement
The tone of the letter is very suitable for a request of this nature. It is polite and friendly.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are appropriate and help to establish a warm connection with the reader.

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  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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