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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#anthropology #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropologists #work #five #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the career of anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 after they complete their undergraduate degree courses, and the table shows
income
Correct article usage
the income
show examples
 of anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 from different types of employment. The majority of
graduates
Use synonyms
 are employed, and about half of
graduates
Use synonyms
 have full-time jobs.Compared to 20% who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 jobs, 13% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 go on to graduate school, some of them
also
Linking Words
 working part-time. Most of the remaining 20% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 are unemployed, and some do not know what to do. In the table,after working for 5 years,the majority of
graduates
Use synonyms
 who worked for the freelance consultants and government sector can earn more than $75000，
while
Linking Words
 only a fifth of
graduates
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 type of employment can earn $25000-$75000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 55% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 working in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private companies earn a minimum wage of $75,000 or more,
while
Linking Words
 about 35% of private companies employees earn between $50,000 and $75,000. All in all, most
graduates
Use synonyms
 find jobs and earn higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 freelance consultants and government sector than in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private companies.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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