Today more and more tourists are visitin places where conditions are difficult , such as sahara desertor the Antartica. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the tourists who visit such places.
At the present time, many visitors visit difficult conditions like the Sahara desert the Antarctica. Some people believe these sites have positive effects,
while
others say deserts have drawbacks efforts. In this
essay, I will explore the advantages that outnumber the disadvantages.
On the one hand, there are several pros to visiting the Sahara desert or the
Antarctica. The majority effect is the social side. individuals learn some attitudes from hard environments Correct article usage
apply
such
as patience. For example
, my brother and his team last
two months went to the desert. Unfortunately, they lost 1 calon of water , whereas
, they divided 500 ml of water between them. In addition
, the public visits hard places to learn certain sciences like geography and biography. A clear example is learning parts of animals or plants and how could adapt to this
environment.
On the other hand
, negative effects play a significant role for tourists. To demonstrate more, deserts produce high temperatures and many nations can not stay there for over three hours. For instance
, children who go with their parents, feel tired and need to relax.The foremost reason they suffer illness is breathing. To illustrate, these places do not provide hospitals or clinics.
In conclusion, I strongly believe the merits of visiting difficult places outweigh the demerits. Therefore
, people enjoy a new adventure by learning good morals and cooperating with their team. Moreover
, the station creates a chance to connect with a variety of people.Submitted by lailakhalil3 on
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task achievement
While you have addressed the task and provided both advantages and disadvantages, try to dive deeper into each point with more specific examples and analyses. This can make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a commendable logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it can be improved by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Use more linking phrases to help the flow.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or unclear, for example: 'Unfortunately, they lost 1 calon of water.' Paying attention to minor grammatical details and choosing clearer vocabulary will enhance your readability.
task achievement
Include a more detailed example in the paragraph discussing social sides and patience. It would make your argument more robust.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up your essay well. It succinctly presents the topic and your stance.
supported main points
You have included a variety of relevant points, such as social learning and environmental adaptations, which are good for supporting your main ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is clear and effectively summarises your stance, highlighting key points discussed in the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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