IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.
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The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 in full-time and part-time studies respectively in
further
Linking Words
 education in Britain in three different time periods, namely 1970/71, 1980/81, and 1990/91.
Overall
Linking Words
, part-time education accounted for the majority of the population, both men and women in all years.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the number of full-time
students
Use synonyms
, which had been less than 300 thousand in all categories, that of part-time
students
Use synonyms
 had maintained at least 700,000 each time. Another point to note is that the male population of part-time
students
Use synonyms
 fluctuated over time
while
Linking Words
 that of full-time
students
Use synonyms
 doubled from about 100,000 to 150,000, and to over 200,000. In detail, there were approximately a million men in part-time schooling in 1970/71, but the figure decreased to nearly 0.9 million in 1980/81, followed by a slight increase a decade later.
Finally
Linking Words
, the number of female
students
Use synonyms
 in both part-time and full-time schooling experienced a continuous growth in the 20 years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the female population in part-time witnessed a significant rise from about 750,000 to over 800,000, and to 1,100,000, which was approximately 1.5 times the figure at the start.
However
Linking Words
, only a small increase from about 50,000 to over 200,000 was seen in full-time.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time education
  • part-time education
  • further education
  • gender comparison
  • trend analysis
  • notable increase
  • decrease
  • consistent trend
  • educational patterns
  • substantial differences
  • preferences
  • evolve
  • societal factors
  • economic influences
  • accessibility
  • job market
  • gender roles
  • projections
  • implications
  • educational policy
  • workforce development
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