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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows food consumption in Australia between 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows food consumption in Australia between 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#food #consumption #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The previous line graph illustrates food categories consumed by
people
Use synonyms
 in
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
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 in Australia from 1950 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that in 1950 vegetables were
primarly
Correct your spelling
primarily
 consumed by Australians, followed
meat
Change preposition
by meat
show examples
 and
bread
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, seafood was eaten the least, followed by
bread
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.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period (2010) ,
people
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 kept their preference for vegetables, being seafood and
bread
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the
Add a missing verb
being the
show examples
 least consumed. In detail,in 1950, the majority of
people
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 consumed vegetables (around 140
kg
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 per
person
Use synonyms
) followed by meat (approximately 110%) and fruit (80%).
While
Linking Words
 the consumption of these 3 products showed certain fluctuation in the next years, in 2010, the three categories continued being the
people
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's
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in 1950, seafood got the least popularity with only 20%
kg
Use synonyms
 consumed per
person
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, followed by
bread
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 with 40%.
Although
Linking Words
 the Australian population did not choose to consume a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of
bread
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 at the beginning of the period, its popularity increased, especially in 1970 when it
got
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 its highest peak of approximately 70
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it declined to 60%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period (2010).
Submitted by nila.hiperu on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, kg, person, bread with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuating trend
  • dietary preferences
  • staple foods
  • health awareness
  • rising health concerns
  • shift towards healthier eating habits
  • intake
  • notable trend
  • significant feature
  • consumption
  • reflecting changing
  • availability
  • a decline towards
  • initially increased
  • steady rise
  • marked decrease
  • period of stability
  • dramatically
  • a sharp rise
  • gradual change
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