Some people believe that the government Should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reason for your answer and include examples from your own experienc

In
this
contemporary epoch, a larger proportion of individuals believe that the
government
should take the responsibility of providing support to older
people
while
critics say that humans should save
money
during their
life
to use that during their golden days. In my opinion, saving is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
option as it could teach individuals
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
of
money
during their
life
.
This
essay will delve into the reasons behind
this
statement and will lead to
logical
Add an article
a logical
show examples
conclusion as well.
To begin
with, the most prominent reason that executives should provide funds to old
people
is the taxes that they paid to rulers throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Humans pay numerous taxes to the
government
such
as GST and HST which must provide the benefits to public during their old time. These returns could be rendered to them in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
of
pensions
.
However
, if it becomes the total liability of the rulers to provide
pensions
, it could put
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extra pressure on the country managers. They already have relentless issues to deal with
such
as health and education sectors.
Moreover
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
should save
money
during their young days to utilize that during the time when they grow old. It will help them to protect themselves from overspending and will
also
help to alleviate the poverty and inflation in
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
. In my opinion, it is accurate to say that
people
should be liable to save
money
for their
pensions
because it will not only reduce pressure on the
government
but will
also
encourage humans to manage and save
money
. Saving
money
during
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age could
asist
Correct your spelling
assist
people
to live a serene and
luxuries
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life
during
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
days.
To conclude
, as per the testimonials mentioned above it is crystal clear that if the higher officials provide
pensions
, it is helpful as
people
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
money
back that they paid in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
of taxes.
Besides
, if
pension
Add an article
the pension
a pension
show examples
is
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
own responsibility it minimizes stress on
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
and will help the public
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
manage their earning in an accurate
mannner
Correct your spelling
manner
.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task achievement
The essay can benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. For instance, a personal experience or detailed statistics can make the argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary sentence structures and use more transition words to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear opinion supported by reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay, contributing to a coherent structure.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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