Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

To develop a nation and for its continued growth governments around the world spend a significant amount of money on music, theatre and public services. It is believed by some people that the revenue collected by the government should be directed towards public services. I agree that it will be a rational decision to fund the public sector over recreational activities. Financial contribution in the field of art will not only help to preserve national culture and folk but
also
uplift the
overall
nation’s rank.
Submitted by harshbhardwaj155 on

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task achievement
You have made a good start by outlining your position clearly. However, your essay would benefit from a more comprehensive development of ideas. Make sure to support your arguments with relevant and specific examples to achieve a higher score in task response.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that there is a clear logical flow between your points. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and transition smoothly to the next one. Furthermore, a well-defined conclusion that restates your position and summarizes your main points would make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage well for your argument. It makes your position on the topic clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a balanced opinion, recognizing the importance of investing in both arts and public services. This show your ability to consider multiple perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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