The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart show the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart show the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.
The following bar graphs
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
the percentages
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
and
men
in a country involved in various kinds of
household
activities and the
time
spent on these activities respectively. It is evident that
men
take
part
in house
repairs
more than
women
while
women
take more initiative in cooking and cleaning. Approximately 10% of all
women
take
part
in
household
repairs
while
twice the percentage points of
men
take
part
in
household
repairs
.
Both
men
and
women
hold almost equal responsibility for their pets as 20% of
both
genders take
part
in taking care of their
pet
Fix the agreement mistake
pets
show examples
. Only 40% of all
men
take
part
in cleaning
in contrast
to the 60% of all
women
who take
part
in cleaning. 85% of
women
take
part
in cooking
whereas
only 60% of
men
take initiative towards cooking. The average amount of
time
spent by a man for
household
repairs
is 4 times more than that of
Correct article usage
a women
show examples
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
at 20 minutes.
Both
men
and
women
spend the same
time
taking care of their
pet
Fix the agreement mistake
pets
show examples
while
women
spend more
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cleaning than
men
do by approximately 25 more minutes.
Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders spend adequate
time
on cooking but
while
women
spend 85 minutes on cooking
men
only spend 60.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, household, time, part, repairs, both with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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