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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart show the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart show the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.
#first #percentages #women #men #country #kinds #pet #house #second #show #amount #time #gender
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The following bar graphs
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 the percentages
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 and
men
Use synonyms
 in a country involved in various kinds of
household
Use synonyms
 activities and the
time
Use synonyms
 spent on these activities respectively. It is evident that
men
Use synonyms
 take
part
Use synonyms
 in house
repairs
Use synonyms
 more than
women
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 take more initiative in cooking and cleaning. Approximately 10% of all
women
Use synonyms
 take
part
Use synonyms
 in
household
Use synonyms
repairs
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 twice the percentage points of
men
Use synonyms
 take
part
Use synonyms
 in
household
Use synonyms
repairs
Use synonyms
.
Both
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 hold almost equal responsibility for their pets as 20% of
both
Use synonyms
 genders take
part
Use synonyms
 in taking care of their
pet
Fix the agreement mistake
pets
show examples
. Only 40% of all
men
Use synonyms
 take
part
Use synonyms
 in cleaning
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the 60% of all
women
Use synonyms
 who take
part
Use synonyms
 in cleaning. 85% of
women
Use synonyms
 take
part
Use synonyms
 in cooking
whereas
Linking Words
 only 60% of
men
Use synonyms
 take initiative towards cooking. The average amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent by a man for
household
Use synonyms
repairs
Use synonyms
 is 4 times more than that of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a women
show examples
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 at 20 minutes.
Both
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 spend the same
time
Use synonyms
 taking care of their
pet
Fix the agreement mistake
pets
show examples
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cleaning than
men
Use synonyms
 do by approximately 25 more minutes.
Both
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders spend adequate
time
Use synonyms
 on cooking but
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 spend 85 minutes on cooking
men
Use synonyms
 only spend 60.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, household, time, part, repairs, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender roles
  • Work-life balance
  • Division of labor
  • Domestic tasks
  • Stereotypes
  • Traditional roles
  • Participation rate
  • Disparity
  • Societal expectations
  • Productivity
  • Cultural norms
  • Economic implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Household chores
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