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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australlan cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where re/evant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australlan cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where re/evant.
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The chart illustrates the proportion of habits of city residents for purchasing
coffee
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and drinks in five different Australian cities in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 four weeks.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that most of the
people
Use synonyms
 in all cities went to
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 to buy tea or
coffee
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, little
people
Use synonyms
 went to buy fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in all five cities. Looking into detail,
people
Use synonyms
 in
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
 bought more than 60% of instant
coffee
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 more than 45%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 of Sydney consumed 43
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea.
In addition
Linking Words
, the point worth noting is that the same
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 happened in Melbourne. In all the five countries less than 45%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most noticeably of all it can be seen that, in
Adelaide
Add a comma
Adelaide,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
bought
Change the verb
buy
show examples
 instant
coffee
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, moreover".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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