Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many individuals think that
charity
organisation
should support Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
people
of their domestic country. However
, I strongly argue that the charity
should provide financial aid across the world.
To begin
, the
Correct article usage
a
charity
normally define
as a legal Wrong verb form
defined
organisation
which supports households financially or physically without differentiating the
race and nationality. Correct article usage
apply
This
is because it receives donation
from everywhere in the world, Fix the agreement mistake
donations
hence
the organisation
has right
to help Correct article usage
the right
people
equally. For example
, Unicef collects money from the
worldwide households and mainly Correct article usage
apply
offer
help to poor countries by building essential infrastructure Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
such
as houses, schools, and hospital
. Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
As a result
, that
the Correct word choice
apply
organisation
has right
to Correct article usage
the right
assit
Correct your spelling
assist
people
in
the globe equally.
Change preposition
around
However
, there is
diverse organisations in each country to support their citizens, so they may have different roles Change the verb form
are
to approach
individuals. Change preposition
in approaching
For instance
, some groups send multiple musicions
to the country, boosting confidence for Correct your spelling
musicians
people
who struggle of
Change preposition
with
the
mental health. The reason is that all Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
requires
different types of help which contributes to Change the verb form
require
improve
the standard of living. Change the verb form
improving
Thus
, appropriate supports are needed to fulfill
deficient resources.
In my Change the spelling
fulfil
opinon
, the Correct your spelling
opinion
organisation
should merge together to form a big charity
. This
will improve accessibility
of statistics Add an article
the accessibility
of
Change preposition
on
people
's needs, leading to increased efficiency of the system. Therefore
, the organisation
will provide equivalent supports
to the whole world.
In conclusion, I believe the Fix the agreement mistake
support
organisation
should be operated by a single group to control the process effectively, while
others think that each organisation
provide to aid people
individually.Submitted by az7082687 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a more detailed description of both viewpoints to better set up the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well connected to the overall argument. Consider using linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'on the other hand' to improve flow.
Task Achievement
While your main points are relevant, they could be better supported with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help to build a stronger argument.
General Language Use
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofread your essay to correct these, and aim for more varied sentence structures to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Introduce some counterarguments to show a balanced discussion. Acknowledge the strengths of the opposing view to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well and provides a clear perspective on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion sums up your argument effectively and provides a firm stance on the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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