IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Your grandparents are planning a family gathering. They want to have a fun weekend somewhere. You know a perfect place to have the event. Write them an email and include the following things: • Tell them about the place you have in mind. • Talk about your experiences at the place. • Describe what the family can do there.

#grandparents #fun #weekend #place #event #email #mind #experiences
Dear Grandpa, How are you? I hope you are doing well. How's grandmaa? Tell her that I miss her so much. I just came to know about the family gathering for Dad, that you and
grandma
Capitalize word
Grandma
show examples
 are planning for next week. I am writing
this
 email to suggest a perfect place for get together
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if you can consider it. Actually,
last
 month, I went to for school picnic which was held in the National
Park
 Brampton.
This
 is an amazing place to hang out
this
 your loved ones.
This
park
 has different sections for each age
group
 like rides for kids and the water
park
 is
also
 open on sunny days with all the safety guidelines. Adults can enjoy both indoor and outdoor games like tennis, badminton, basketball and many more. For old age people, there is one community
group
 which organizes yoga sessions. I spent
such
 an amazing day there, with all my friends. We took so many rides and you know how much I love to play with water. I spent around three hours in that
park
. We had
such
 an amazing buffet
in
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch. I think you can consider
this
 place for gathering. Even the entry fee for family or
group
 is affordable. For one
group
, the fee is only 100 $ which includes all three meals with some refreshment drinks. I hope I will soo you soon on a family trip. Your loving, Arshdeep
Submitted by simrankaurkaur450 on

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task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies, such as 'get together' (should be 'get-together') and 'this your loved ones' (should be 'with your loved ones').
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure a bit more to enhance the flow of the email.
task achievement
You provided a clear and detailed description of the place, including different activities for various age groups.
task achievement
You used personal experiences effectively to illustrate why the place is suitable for the family gathering.
coherence cohesion
The email has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between different sections of the email are smooth, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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