The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph compares the consumption of electric units on a typical summer and winter
day
Use synonyms
, and the pie chart illustrates the proportions of electricity used in various electronic appliances.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that the demand for electric power is significantly lower
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the summer
day
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the heating system for homes consumed the most amount of electricity. Looking at the line graph, the total units consumed at the start of the
day
Use synonyms
were around 35k and nearly 16k for
winters
Use synonyms
and
summers
Use synonyms
, respectively. The figure for
summers
Use synonyms
remains stable from 6 to 9,
while
Linking Words
for
winters
Use synonyms
it declined to nearly 30k.
However
Linking Words
, between 6 and 9, the figures for both increase sharply; the units increase to 40k for
winters
Use synonyms
and 20k for
summers
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
the demand for power in the
summers
Use synonyms
remains relatively stable in the later hours of the
day
Use synonyms
, for the
winters
Use synonyms
, it reaches its peak at nearly 45k.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the pie charts show that nearly 52.5% of electricity is used in the heating systems of British homes.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the kitchen appliances and entertainment devices each used 15% of the total power.
Finally
Linking Words
, the proportion for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electrical tools accounted for 17.5%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words day, k, winters, summers with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
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