In the past, people usually lived in the same places for their life, but currently people change their places and live in different places during their life. What is the reason of this? Is it positive or negative development?
In the past,
people
tend to lived
in the same place for their life, Change the verb
live
while
nowadays people
actually prefer to change
their home and live in other places during their life. This
essay will discuss the cause of this
statement, and I think it has a positive development.
To begin
with, there are several reason
why most Change to a plural noun
reasons
people
used to live in other places rather than their hometown such
as culture, cuisine, people
, and salaries. The main reason
can be job opportunities because some business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
did
not have enough Wrong verb form
do
worker
, Fix the agreement mistake
workers
therefore
, the employers would increasing
their salaries to gain more employees. Wrong verb form
increase
For example
, In Thailand, the minimum income for workers was around 300 bath per day, wheras
, my friend who worked as a waiter in the Correct your spelling
whereas
restaraunt
in America told me that he got around 30 dollars for just 5 hours, Correct your spelling
restaurant
thus
, it can be the reason
why people
change
their place. In addition
, some people
would found
love with Wrong verb form
find
people
from different countries
, when
they Correct word choice
and when
married
they would have to Wrong verb form
marry
change
their home to spend time together.
Futhermore
, it can Correct your spelling
Furthermore
be
a positive effect on the development of Verb problem
have
the
society because they would mix their culture together, and now we can see that many Correct article usage
apply
countries
provide wide
range of food. One significant effect was technology that Add an article
a wide
impact
Wrong verb form
impacted
on
every Change preposition
apply
countries
, which Change to a singular noun
country
have
more Correct subject-verb agreement
has
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
visited
and often Wrong verb form
visiting
worked
. Wrong verb form
working
For instance
, in the past, thai
Change the capitalization
Thai
people
usually used automobiles for transpotation
, currently, we take the Correct your spelling
transportation
subways
as America Fix the agreement mistake
subway
do
. Correct subject-verb agreement
does
Additionally
, people
that live in other countries
could improve their English skills to communicating
with Wrong verb form
communicate
people
from arond
the world.
In conclusion, the main Correct your spelling
around
reason
why people
pretend to change
their places should be incomes because in this
modern world money is the most essential things that make people
have a good quility
of life, and I believe that it would be a positive development Correct your spelling
quality
on
every Change preposition
in
aspects
.Change to a singular noun
aspect
Submitted by napatnp18065322 on
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language
Consider revising the wording in your introduction for clarity. For example, 'In the past, people tend to lived' should be 'In the past, people tended to live.'
structure
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. For instance, ensure that the points presented in each paragraph connect well with each other and the main thesis.
language
Enhance vocabulary usage to avoid repetition and to make your writing more engaging. Different words can be used for 'people,' 'places,' and 'change.'
language
Review and correct grammatical errors for a more polished piece. Specific errors include 'used to live' which should be 'tend to live,' and 'pretend to change' which should be 'tend to change.'
structure
Incorporate more connective phrases to improve cohesion, such as 'Firstly, Additionally, Furthermore,' to help guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
You've effectively identified and explained multiple reasons why people move to different places, such as job opportunities and cultural diversity.
coherence
The paragraph discussing the benefits for society, such as cultural mixing and technological adoption, offers a solid example of the positive impact of relocating.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as comparing salaries in Thailand and America, helps to illustrate your points effectively.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.