IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

With the advent of stream services online , fewer people go to the movie theater to see films what what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

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Online services
is
Change the verb form
are
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 one of the
fast
Correct word choice
apply
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developing
technology
Change to a plural noun
technologies
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 nowadays, which
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 the reason behind people preferring to watch movies online rather than
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to the theatre.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
be discussing
Wrong verb form
discuss
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 the benefits and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 drift. On the one hand, more individuals tend to watch films online
due to
Linking Words
, the fact that it is more convenient
to
Change preposition
for
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 them.
For example
Linking Words
, it is easy
access
Add the particle
to access
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, available resource all the time without restrictions, and no need to dress up or drive your car in order to reach the cinema.
In addition
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 does not need
special
Add an article
a special
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 ticket to watch it, all films are available for free for all age groups.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
On
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on the other hand
Linking Words
, it denied people
from
Change preposition
apply
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an extraordinary experience.
For instance
Linking Words
, watching the movie
in
Change preposition
on
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 a giant screen with tremendous speakers
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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uplift
Correct subject-verb agreement
uplifts
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 your
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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 to the extent that you feel living inside the movie.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the availability of
such
Linking Words
 services had a fundamental effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 wasting their time,
while
Linking Words
 spending long hours watching
a
Correct determiner usage
one
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 film after another, reaching the level of addiction. In conclusion, watching online
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 a good side
with
Change preposition
to
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 making life simpler.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it
also
Linking Words
 affected people negatively by
time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
show examples
 and enjoyment deprivation.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the transitions between points can be smoother. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Your response adequately addresses the prompt, but it can be made more comprehensive by elaborating on your points further. Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph fully develops one main idea with supporting details. Some points feel underdeveloped and would benefit from further elaboration.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The main points of the essay are relevant to the prompt and provide a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of online streaming services.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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