Both men and women care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Fashion is one of the most famous trends nowadays between both genders. It is undeniable that both men and women care more about their appearance today than they did in the past.

This

topic can be quite debatable, but I strongly agree with it. One reason why

people

paid

Wrong verb form

pay

show examples

more attention to how they look today is because of the high beauty standards and trends. In the past,

people

used to live a more simple life and did not really care about their appearance.

However

, there is the possibility that

people

are getting more dressed up as time goes by to match the beauty standards,

such

as being pretty, skinny, feminine, or even looking masculine. It goes without saying that

this

also

happens

due to

the fear of being compared with other

people

For instance

, lots of women do extreme diets to the point they only eat once a day to keep their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

in shape.

Submitted by audreynikkijoe on Sun Aug 25 2024

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coherence cohesion

Develop the second reason in a separate paragraph to enhance clarity.

task achievement

Provide a more comprehensive introduction by outlining the main points you will discuss.

task achievement

Ensure to provide a conclusion to summarize the essay's main points.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear and debatable argument.

task achievement

The example given about women and extreme diets is relevant and specific.

coherence cohesion

The essay shows a good attempt at structuring the argument logically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

156 words

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them discuss both views