Some people think the government should pay for healthcare and education, but others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Some
people
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
to fully fund
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
facilities
such
as hospitals and schools
while
others believe that it is an individual responsibility to pay for themselves to enjoy the benefits from
such
organisations.
However
, I firmly believe that governing bodies should
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be responsible for
the take
Wrong verb form
taking
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care of their citizens by offering free
services
to them.
Government
bodies are the strongest authority that runs the whole
country
and
therefore
, hold
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
power to support
free of cost
Add a hyphen
free-of-cost
show examples
services
in healthcare and to educate their flourishing population.
People
living in the
country
tend to pay heavy taxes from their daily wages every month to the
government
and
consequently
, it becomes the governing bodies
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
core responsibility to serve their nation by organising free health camps for all
people
living in urban and countryside and
also
eleminating
Correct your spelling
eliminating
the hospital charges.
Moreover
, from an economic perspective, these authorities need to implement free teaching
services
in all schools so that more and more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
will get educated and it will
further
help the
country
in getting
Verb problem
become
show examples
more developed.
On the other hand
, some
encourages
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encourage
show examples
people
to spend their own money for using health and educational
services
instead
force authorities to invest their funds in improving public
transports
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transport
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. Many
people
prefer to use private vehicles because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
convenience, if
government
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the government
show examples
can impart their sum in making buses and
train
Correct subject-verb agreement
trains
show examples
more comfortable, fast and reliable
then
people
would start travelling by
such
means which will
further
solve many ongoing issues in the
country
.
However
,
according to
me investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
and education of
people
should be considered more essential.
To conclude
,
although
spending money on public transportation will help the
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
to travel in a more convenient way, I believe that the development of the
country
should be taken into account
at
Change preposition
as
show examples
the utmost priority.
Submitted by sanakalsi3736 on

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coherence cohesion
Maintain a clearer logical structure throughout the essay. Ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide evidence for your claims.
task achievement
Make sure to address both views more comprehensively. Currently, the discussion of one perspective (individual responsibility) is shorter and less detailed than the other.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly stated, which helps in framing the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers both views, which shows an understanding of the topic's requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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