Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that in elementary school subjects
such
as
music
, art and drama are needed for youngsters. I completely agree with
this
statement and think these kind of school
lessons
can show their own
talent
of every pupil. First of all, I believe that
lessons
like
music
, art and drama can differently affect
to
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apply
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every person.
For example
, for some students
music
lessons
can become beneficial, by revealing
the
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their
show examples
unique
talent
. It concerns every subject .
The one
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One
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of the most popular
singer
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singers
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Billie Eilish believes that it must
be revealed
Wrong verb form
reveal
show examples
talent
from every person.
Moreover
,
this kind
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these kinds
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of
lessons
are not so sophisticated and can be every day to give
the
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a
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break from active mind
education
. That’s why it is important to add different class sessions to
education
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the education
show examples
system to provide
bright
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a bright
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future for students .
Secondly
, learning only academic subjects is very hard
to
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for
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young pupils.
In other words
,
government
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the government
show examples
should simplify the
education
for primary schools.
Also
, add more creative and artistic activities.
For instance
, Henry Muller minister of
education
decides
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decided
show examples
that in
US
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the US
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, primary
schools
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school
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education
always be easy. And during
academic
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the academic
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year there are a lot of activities,
competitions
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and competitions
show examples
that
motivates
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motivate
show examples
every student to attend
in
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apply
show examples
every lesson,
by
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and by
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doing so they increase their motivation .
To conclude
, I believe that place of
lessons
like
music
, art and drama
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
important for educators of primary schools , because there can be great
talent
hidden in every person.
Furthermore
,
this
kind of
subjects
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subject
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are
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is
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really
easy
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easier
show examples
than others which can lead to
a
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apply
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time for
relax
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relaxation
show examples
.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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task achievement
Try to clarify your main points and support them with more precise examples. For instance, when you reference famous people or studies, make sure they directly support the point you're making.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details that are logically connected. This will improve the flow from one idea to the next, making your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the importance of music, art, and drama in primary school education, which is well-established in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow the argument being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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