Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that in elementary school subjects
such
as music
, art and drama are needed for youngsters. I completely agree with this
statement and think these kind of school lessons
can show their own talent
of every pupil.
First of all, I believe that lessons
like music
, art and drama can differently affect to
every person. Change preposition
apply
For example
, for some students music
lessons
can become beneficial, by revealing the
unique Change the word
their
talent
. It concerns every subject . The one
of the most popular Correct article usage
One
singer
Billie Eilish believes that it must Change to a plural noun
singers
be revealed
Wrong verb form
reveal
talent
from every person. Moreover
, this kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
lessons
are not so sophisticated and can be every day to give the
break from active mind Correct article usage
a
education
. That’s why it is important to add different class sessions to education
system to provide Add an article
the education
bright
future for students .
Correct article usage
a bright
Secondly
, learning only academic subjects is very hard to
young pupils. Change preposition
for
In other words
, government
should simplify the Add an article
the government
education
for primary schools. Also
, add more creative and artistic activities. For instance
, Henry Muller minister of education
decides
that in Wrong verb form
decided
US
, primary Correct article usage
the US
schools
Change the noun form
school
education
always be easy. And during academic
year there are a lot of activities, Correct article usage
the academic
competitions
that Correct word choice
and competitions
motivates
every student to attend Change the verb form
motivate
in
every lesson, Change preposition
apply
by
doing so they increase their motivation .
Correct word choice
and by
To conclude
, I believe that place of lessons
like music
, art and drama very
important for educators of primary schools , because there can be great Add a missing verb
is very
talent
hidden in every person. Furthermore
, this
kind of subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
are
really Change the verb form
is
easy
than others which can lead to Replace the word
easier
a
time for Correct article usage
apply
relax
.Replace the word
relaxation
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on
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task achievement
Try to clarify your main points and support them with more precise examples. For instance, when you reference famous people or studies, make sure they directly support the point you're making.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details that are logically connected. This will improve the flow from one idea to the next, making your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the importance of music, art, and drama in primary school education, which is well-established in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow the argument being made.