Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it's effect on a child.

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These days,more and

and

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

are being encouraged by their

parents

Use synonyms

in order to do a

job

Use synonyms

in their holidays.

In other words

Linking Words

,some people believe that it is an excellent opportunity for their

children

Use synonyms

to find a

job

Use synonyms

in their spare

time

Use synonyms

.Clearly,there are various advantages and disadvantages,when

parents

Use synonyms

make

this

Linking Words

decision.In

this

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essay,I will address some benefits and drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

idea and

also

Linking Words

I will explain

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

impact on

children

Use synonyms

. Let's begin by looking at some merits of

this

Linking Words

opinion.

Firstly

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

can earn a considerable amount of money providing that they

work

Use synonyms

in their holidays in the summer.

That is

Linking Words

to say,not only do youngsters make some money,but

also

Linking Words

they can pay their costs.Take their

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

courses as an example.

Secondly

Linking Words

,if

children

Use synonyms

find a part-

time

Use synonyms

job

Use synonyms

in their spare

time

Use synonyms

,they will know the atmosphere of

workplace

Correct article usage

the workplace

show examples

extremely better than their other friends who have not found a

job

Use synonyms

. Turning to the other side of the argument,doing a part-

time

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occupation has some serious demerits.One of the striking drawbacks is that

children

Use synonyms

might become exhausted when they

work

Use synonyms

for the first

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

during

show examples

their holidays.

It is clear that

Linking Words

they may regret

Change the verb form

working

show examples

work

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

lower

Correct article usage

a lower

show examples

age and find it challenging or boring.

This

Linking Words

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

few do

parents

Use synonyms

decide to encourage their kids to

work

Use synonyms

in their free

time

Use synonyms

.Another notable disadvantage is that

children

Use synonyms

may feel it is so tough for them to get

along with

Linking Words

other colleagues in the workplace.Generally speaking,it can take some

time

Use synonyms

that

Correct word choice

for

show examples

children

Use synonyms

cope

Fix the infinitive

to cope

show examples

with their

job

Use synonyms

circumstances and other people who

work

Use synonyms

with them.

To conclude

Linking Words

,despite the fact that finding a part-

time

Use synonyms

job

Use synonyms

for

children

Use synonyms

parents

Use synonyms

has some benefits

such

Linking Words

as making money and

orientarion

Correct your spelling

orientation

with

job

Use synonyms

atmosphere.It has

also

Linking Words

some main drawbacks like being bored and exhausted

among

Change preposition

from

show examples

doing

work

Use synonyms

As a consequence

Linking Words

,one of the most momentous

impact

Change to a plural noun

impacts

show examples

this

Linking Words

approach on

children

Use synonyms

is that they can learn a sort of career

their

Change preposition

at their

show examples

lower ages and use it in their future.

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task achievement

While the essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of children taking part-time jobs, ensure that all points are well-expanded and thoroughly explained for a clearer understanding.

task achievement

Work on providing relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your points more convincing and tangible.

coherence cohesion

Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and improper word use. For example, 'orientarion' should be 'orientation'. Attention to such details can improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This can be done by using appropriate linking words and phrases.

coherence cohesion

The essay begins with a clear introduction and ends with a well-rounded conclusion, providing a concise summary of the topic and the essay's viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

The main points in both advantages and disadvantages are adequately supported, which adds depth to the discussion.

task achievement

The essay successfully addresses the prompt, discussing both the positive and negative effects of children undertaking part-time jobs as encouraged by their parents.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

work experience
time management
responsibility
teamwork
financial skills
independence
self-reliance
balancing work and school
stress and burnout
academic performance
extracurricular activities
hobbies
socializing
overall development
well-being

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Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it's effect on a child.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that it is better to work for the large company than a small one? Do you agree/disagree?

the bar chart belows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United State , Canada ,the United Kingdom and Japan in the year 2009

Child labour is considered to be one of the most serious problems ob the planet. What are the reasons why children find themselves in child labour and can be done to tackle this issue ?