Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it's effect on a child.
These days,more and
and
more Remove the redundancy
apply
children
are being encouraged by their parents
in order to do a job
in their holidays.In other words
,some people believe that it is an excellent opportunity for their children
to find a job
in their spare time
.Clearly,there are various advantages and disadvantages,when parents
make this
decision.In this
essay,I will address some benefits and drawbacks of this
idea and also
I will explain it's
impact on Replace the word
its
children
.
Let's begin by looking at some merits of this
opinion.Firstly
,children
can earn a considerable amount of money providing that they work
in their holidays in the summer.That is
to say,not only do youngsters make some money,but also
they can pay their costs.Take their sport
courses as an example.Change the noun form
sports
Secondly
,if children
find a part-time
job
in their spare time
,they will know the atmosphere of workplace
extremely better than their other friends who have not found a Correct article usage
the workplace
job
.
Turning to the other side of the argument,doing a part-time
occupation has some serious demerits.One of the striking drawbacks is that children
might become exhausted when they work
for the first time
in
their holidays.Change preposition
during
It is clear that
they may regret to
Change the verb form
working
work
in
Change preposition
at
lower
age and find it challenging or boring.Correct article usage
a lower
This
is because,
few do Remove the comma
apply
parents
decide to encourage their kids to work
in their free time
.Another notable disadvantage is that children
may feel it is so tough for them to get along with
other colleagues in the workplace.Generally speaking,it can take some time
that
Correct word choice
for
children
cope
with their Fix the infinitive
to cope
job
circumstances and other people who work
with them.
To conclude
,despite the fact that finding a part-time
job
for children
by parents
has some benefits such
as making money and orientarion
with Correct your spelling
orientation
job
atmosphere.It has also
some main drawbacks like being bored and exhausted among
doing Change preposition
from
work
.As a consequence
,one of the most momentous impact
of Change to a plural noun
impacts
this
approach on children
is that they can learn a sort of career their
lower ages and use it in their future.Change preposition
at their
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task achievement
While the essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of children taking part-time jobs, ensure that all points are well-expanded and thoroughly explained for a clearer understanding.
task achievement
Work on providing relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your points more convincing and tangible.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and improper word use. For example, 'orientarion' should be 'orientation'. Attention to such details can improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This can be done by using appropriate linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction and ends with a well-rounded conclusion, providing a concise summary of the topic and the essay's viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The main points in both advantages and disadvantages are adequately supported, which adds depth to the discussion.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt, discussing both the positive and negative effects of children undertaking part-time jobs as encouraged by their parents.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example