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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The following pie charts show the places where adults aged 20+ and children in the age group 2 to 19 ate in the year 2005 in the US. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie charts compare the
population
Use synonyms
 of ages in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000 and anticipation for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the charts is that with the exception of
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 between 15 and 59 in all charts
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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constitutes the highest proportion. In 2000,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 15 to 59 comprised almost 46% of the
population
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 it is expected that
this
Linking Words
 figure will witness a rise in 2050 and will reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
57.3%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 0-14-year-olds and individuals aged 60 and over accounted for around half of the total and 3.6%, respectively. It is projected that by 2050 the prospective figures for
people
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 between 0 and 14, and, 65 and over will have reached
to
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apply
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37% and almost 6%. Italy’s 15-
59-year-old
Correct your spelling
59-year-olds
 were responsible for 61.6% of their
population
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 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure will undergo a decline and will be 46.2% in 2050. the elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in Italy formed about one-fourth of individuals in the year 2000. Over the next 50 years,
this
Linking Words
 figure will rise to 42.3%. 0-14-year-olds formed about 15% in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the anticipation indicates that
this
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 will see a slight fall and
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
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 to 11.5% in 2050.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, yemen, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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