IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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FEW THINK THAT
WOMEN
Use synonyms
 SHOULD BE EQUALLY PROVIDING THEIR SERVICES TO THE NATION'S ARMY OR OTHER CRIME-REGULATING FORCES. I THINK
THIS
Linking Words
 COULD BE VERY CHALLENGING AND HARD FOR MOST OF THE
WOMEN
Use synonyms
 IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES. I WILL BE DISCUSSING BOTH THE PUBLIC VIEWS AND MY EXACT SAY ON IT IN UPCOMING PARAGRAPHS. ON THE ONE HAND, PEOPLE WANT TO END THE GENDER INEQUALITY IN EVERY FIELD. THEY ARE ASKING
WOMEN
Use synonyms
 TO STEP UP FOR MORE HARD JOBS TO SHOW THEIR WORTH.
ALTHOUGH
Linking Words
WOMEN
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 HAVE PROVED THEIR EFFICIENCY IN EVERY OTHER INDUSTRY, MANY STILL TALK ABOUT THE POWER DEMOSTRATION IN FORCES. THERE ARE MAINLY TWO GROUPS THAT ARE ASKING FOR
THIS
Linking Words
. FIRST OF THEM ARE SOME
WOMEN
Use synonyms
 WHO WANT TO SURPASS MEN IN
THIS
Linking Words
 SOCIETY BUT THEY DO NOT WANT TO GO FOR IT BY THEMSELVES. THE SECOND GROUP CONTAINS SOME FOLKS WHO THINK
WOMEN
Use synonyms
 CAN NEVER SURVIVE IN HARD SITUATIONS. THEY JUST WANT TO PROVE A MAN AS A SUPERIOR LEADER.
FOR EXAMPLE
Linking Words
, THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PODCASTERS DAILY TALK ABOUT IT AND TRY TO PULL EACH OTHER DOWN. FOR ME, IT WOULD BE VERY HARSH ON THE
WOMEN
Use synonyms
 TO FORCE THEM TO DO THESE THINGS WITHOUT THEIR WILL.
WOMEN
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 ARE CONSISTENTLY PROVIDING EVERY POSSIBLE THING TO
THIS
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 WORLD. THEY HAVE SOME PHYSICAL DISADVANTAGES AS COMPARED TO THE MEN. EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE BIG FIGHTERS, THEY COULD STILL FACE SITUATIONS THAT THEY WERE NEVER PREPARED FOR.
FOR EXAMPLE
Linking Words
, HOT OR COLD TEMPERATURES CAN CAUSE SOME SERIOUS TROUBLE FOR THEIR SKIN TISSUES WHICH ARE WAY MORE SENSITIVE THAN MEN. IN CONCLUSION, THERE SHOULD ALWAYS BE AN EQUAL AMOUNT OF OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE FOR EVERYONE BUT THEY SHOULD BE FREE TO CHOOSE INDIVIDUALLY. FORCING
WOMEN
Use synonyms
 TO JOIN BATTLE FORCES CAN NEVER SET A BASE OF HEALTHY SOCIETY OR COUNTRY.

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task achievement
The essay needs a more balanced and thorough examination of both views to fully address the task. Provide more detailed arguments and support them with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument and flows naturally into the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction by clearly outlining the main points that the essay will cover. Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes these points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the given task and presents a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion offers a clear summary of the writer's perspective.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equality
  • stereotypes
  • diversity
  • physical prowess
  • discrimination
  • negotiation skills
  • gender roles
  • morale
  • integrated forces
  • equal opportunities
  • unit cohesion
  • combat effectiveness
  • bias
  • harassment
  • meritocracy
  • transformative
  • empowerment
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