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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teacher be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children,

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Learning about the right and wrong of
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 behavior can lead them to the better citizens in the future. Some believe that
punishment
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 should be introduced in order to give
the
Correct article usage
a
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 clear difference between the two sides of life. Personally, I do not agree with
this
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 idea because the strict
rules
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 might
make
Verb problem
cause
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children
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having
Wrong verb form
to have
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 traumas when they are getting older. Kids who grow up with many
districtions
Correct your spelling
distractions
restrictions
 and acquire
the
Correct article usage
apply
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punishment
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 when they fail to obey the
rules
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 might remember the bad memories and it eventually will
distrub
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disturb
the
Change the word
their
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 mental health.
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This
Correct determiner usage
These
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 memories and mental
crisis
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crises
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 may be kept by the victims until they become adults. It can be seen nowadays that many mature people are still suffering from relying on themselves,
they
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they are
they were
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 afraid to try because they believe that if they do something wrong, people around them will avoid them as a
punishment
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like
Replace the word
as
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 they did in their early life.
In addition
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, mental illness caused by strict
rules
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 can
distrub
Correct your spelling
disturb
 their daily activities
such
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 as
self-relience
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self-reliance
.
Instead
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 of making
high
Add an article
a high
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 level of
punishment
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, I
do
Verb problem
would
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 more support if the parents could explain and demonstrate what things or
behave which
Verb problem
behaviours
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 should be changed
of
Change preposition
in
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 kids.
For example
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, when their offspring hurts another peer in the class, rather than beating kids as a name of
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rules
Fix the agreement mistake
rule
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, the couple can give a piece of advice in order to gain the
caring
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care
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 of that
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children
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child
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.
This
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 action will have a useful result and
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 a kid from traumas.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, the parents
therefore
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 can enrol their
children
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to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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courses that focus on character development.
Thus
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, they will get a life lesson from the professionals. In conclusion, it is clear to me that I disagree with the idea that
children
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 should be punished when they do something wrong because it will
distrub
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disturb
 mental health and leave bad memories. To address the problem
about
Change preposition
of
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right
Add an article
the right
a right
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 or wrong
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
,
children
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 can be taught
through
Change preposition
by
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 giving advice or entering them to the class
focusef
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focused
focuses
 on
characters
Change the noun form
character
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 development.

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task achievement
Make sure all arguments are fully developed and supported with clear, specific examples.
task achievement
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and try to avoid repetitive patterns.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the writer’s stance.
task achievement
The writer presents both arguments and counterarguments, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • constructive punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • non-physical punishment
  • time-out
  • privileges
  • consequences
  • consistency
  • proportional
  • empathy
  • internalize
  • misbehavior
  • physical punishment
  • aggression
  • antisocial behavior
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