IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, it is argued that more and more
children
Use synonyms
 have excessive weight. 
This
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 is achieved by there
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 lots of
food
Use synonyms
 available, especially fast
food
Use synonyms
 and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle. To handle
this
Linking Words
 issue, governments should promote public education and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to move more.
Firstly
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, there
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
huge amount of
children
Use synonyms
 with obesity. Since a lot of
food
Use synonyms
 is available, especially fast
food
Use synonyms
 and prepared foods that only need to be heated.  These products contain
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enormous amount of refined carbohydrates,  fat and sugar, and
therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 overeat. Another reason is the sedentary lifestyle. As
children
Use synonyms
 sit at computers, they do not move at all,  but they continue to eat a lot. And,
hence
Linking Words
, kids gain weight. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should promote public education, explaining to older and young
people
Use synonyms
 about the harm of fast
food
Use synonyms
 and the benefits of fresh products. Authorities have to organize programs, where they
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
talk about how
maintain
Add the particle
to maintain
show examples
 a balanced diet and have healthy habits.  Another solution is to  encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to move more,
organize
Correct word choice
and organize
show examples
 special programs, events and bicycle zones. Specifically, array relay races and reward
people
Use synonyms
 who run.
Consequently
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will exercise more and lose weight. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 are
overwheight
Correct your spelling
overweight
due to
Linking Words
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 huge amount of
food
Use synonyms
 accessible and sedentary lifestyle. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem,
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to exercise more and promote public education.

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coherence
Try to improve sentence structure and avoid repetition of concepts to enhance clarity and avoid redundancy.
task response
Make sure to develop each main point with more specific examples and details for a stronger argumentation.
coherence
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve word choice for better readability.
coherence
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, ensuring the response is organized.
task response
The main points are relevant and address the task prompt adequately, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the overall argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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