Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

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The number of health issues is increasing today because

people

Use synonyms

consume Food and drinks with high levels of

sugar

Use synonyms

. To prevent

this

Linking Words

situation, sugary

products

Use synonyms

become more expensive nowadays. I believe

this

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is one of the best ways to encourage

people

Use synonyms

to consume less

sugar

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay will explore why

this

Linking Words

is the case for two main reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

people

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will get better items at lower prices.

This

Linking Words

means they can have more nutrition by consuming less

sugar

Use synonyms

products

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while

Linking Words

bargaining a good price for them.

For example

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instead

Linking Words

of buying canned milk

people

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prefer to purchase soybean milk, they acquire

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthier

products

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with the same amount and lower prices. Not only

sugar

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people

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also

Linking Words

get other beneficial substances for their body

such

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as calcium, zinc, et cetera.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is good to consume less

sugar

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products

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than sugary

products

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Secondly

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

using

this

Linking Words

method,

it boosts

Verb problem

encourages

show examples

people

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to buy healthier

products

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and

consequently

Linking Words

become

Correct subject-verb agreement

becomes

show examples

their habit.

For instance

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, someone who really loves to drink soda every day will be too lazy to buy

products

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that are very expensive, and because of

this

Linking Words

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

they will skip the soda section when they visit the supermarket. With

Remove the article

apply

show examples

small progress, not only stop consuming sugary

products

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people

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will do activities that benefit them.

Thus

Linking Words

, building good

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

step by step exerts a good impact on the body. In conclusion, elevating the price of sugary

products

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makes

people

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live healthier. Doing

this

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method

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can lead

people

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aim their goal of maintaining their bodies. I undoubtedly agree implementing that makes sugary

products

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more expensive than other

products

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to solve health problems.

ru.kabiru.biruMon Aug 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay is well-structured and stays relevant to the topic. However, some points can be further detailed for more depth. For example, explaining more clearly how high sugar prices would specifically affect different consumer groups could strengthen your argument further.

coherence and cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structures and ensuring that your ideas flow more seamlessly from one to another. Using linking words and phrases more effectively can help enhance the cohesion of your text.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.

task achievement

Your main points are relevant and supported with logical explanations and examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping.

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that space travel is a waste of government money while others believe it is important for human development. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. Is this a positive or negative development?

In some countries, government are encouraging industries and business to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.