Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

#money #food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar

The number of health issues is increasing today because

people

consume Food and drinks with high levels of

sugar

. To prevent

this

situation, sugary

products

become more expensive nowadays. I believe

this

is one of the best ways to encourage

people

to consume less

sugar

This

essay will explore why

this

is the case for two main reasons.

Firstly

people

will get better items at lower prices.

This

means they can have more nutrition by consuming less

sugar

products

while

bargaining a good price for them.

For example

instead

of buying canned milk

people

prefer to purchase soybean milk, they acquire

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthier

products

with the same amount and lower prices. Not only

sugar

people

also

get other beneficial substances for their body

such

as calcium, zinc, et cetera.

Therefore

, it is good to consume less

sugar

products

than sugary

products

Secondly

Change preposition

apply

show examples

using

this

method,

it boosts

Verb problem

encourages

show examples

people

to buy healthier

products

and

consequently

become

Correct subject-verb agreement

becomes

show examples

their habit.

For instance

, someone who really loves to drink soda every day will be too lazy to buy

products

that are very expensive, and because of

this

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

they will skip the soda section when they visit the supermarket. With

Remove the article

apply

show examples

small progress, not only stop consuming sugary

products

people

will do activities that benefit them.

Thus

, building good

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

step by step exerts a good impact on the body. In conclusion, elevating the price of sugary

products

makes

people

live healthier. Doing

this

method

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can lead

people

aim their goal of maintaining their bodies. I undoubtedly agree implementing that makes sugary

products

more expensive than other

products

to solve health problems.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Mon Aug 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay is well-structured and stays relevant to the topic. However, some points can be further detailed for more depth. For example, explaining more clearly how high sugar prices would specifically affect different consumer groups could strengthen your argument further.

coherence and cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structures and ensuring that your ideas flow more seamlessly from one to another. Using linking words and phrases more effectively can help enhance the cohesion of your text.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.

task achievement

Your main points are relevant and supported with logical explanations and examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree? Essay Outline

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Why do nowadays people spend less time with their family? What effect will it cause on themselves and their family?