Some think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it’s more important to reward students who achieve other types of success (such as sports, music, and good behaviour). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, some people say schools should provide their
reward
to the students
, who achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
best
Correct article usage
the best
acadamic
results. Correct your spelling
academic
While
some argue that reward
must provide to other student
, who achieved best in several aspects, Change the wording
another student
other students
such
as mucis
, sports. Correct your spelling
music
Although
the first view is justifiable, I believe that this
is crucail
for Correct your spelling
crucial
school
to Fix the agreement mistake
schools
rewarding
Wrong verb form
reward
students
in a wide-range
of activitiesCorrect your spelling
wide range
,
and balancing Remove the comma
apply
reward
between academic success and other success.
On the one hand, Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
to
Change preposition
apply
increasing
the rate Change the form of the verb
increase
in
academic Change preposition
of
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
rewarding
is the best way to boost Verb problem
apply
up
Change preposition
apply
students
study skills. Student who Change noun form
students'
student's
striving
the Wrong verb form
strive
reward
would endeavour on
their study, resulting Change preposition
in
school
's academic succeed
rate Replace the word
success
rised
. In fact, the number of Correct your spelling
rising
students
who received Add an article
the prize
a prize
prize
in Fix the agreement mistake
prizes
educational
Replace the word
education
also
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
a
better teaching systems Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
of
the Change preposition
for
school
, which foster to
Change preposition
apply
the
higher ranking among others. In several countries, Correct article usage
a
this
measurement have
been used by educational Change the verb form
has
ministry
to allocate Fix the agreement mistake
ministries
thier
fund, which means Correct your spelling
their
school
with Fix the agreement mistake
schools
Correct article usage
a hiher
hiher
number of Correct your spelling
higher
reward
possibly Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
recieved
more money.
Correct your spelling
received
receive
On the other hand
, a part
from academic Correct your spelling
apart
skill
, there are Fix the agreement mistake
skills
also
other alternative subjects, which pose significant in students
' life that shcool
must Correct your spelling
schools
reward
to uplift their confidence. Such
as sports, arts, and musics
. In fact, all alternative skills can lead to career advancement in the future, which Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
also
a reflection of Add a missing verb
is also
school
education system. Add an article
the school
Therefore
, rewarding a prize is the part of method for student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
in
self-explore, which is important to self Change preposition
to
developments
. Fix the agreement mistake
development
For instance
, Bowky Lion, Thai famouse
singer, Correct word choice
apply
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
the
Correct article usage
a
reward
in the school
' singing competition, which made her understand her potential and unlock herselves
. Now she has become Correct your spelling
herself
number
one singer in Correct article usage
the number
top
chart of Add an article
the top
thailand
.
Change the capitalization
Thailand
To conclude
, rewarding
is the crucial Replace the word
reward
things
for Fix the agreement mistake
thing
shcool
both Correct your spelling
schools
in
Change preposition
apply
academic
and alternative, which could Fix the agreement mistake
academics
leads
to Change the verb form
lead
Add an article
a surprise
surprise
Replace the word
surprising
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
in
Change preposition
for
students
. Hence
, this
is Correct article usage
the school
school
Change noun form
school's
respondsibility
to help Correct your spelling
responsibility
thier
Correct your spelling
their
students
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
the
hidden skills.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views, it would benefit from a clearer delineation of each perspective. Ensure each paragraph has a single clear main idea.
task achievement
Expand on each point with more detailed examples or explanations to make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Some ideas are difficult to follow due to awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, improving the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contributes to developing the argument and adds value to the overall essay. Avoid repetition.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both views and provides an opinion, which is the core requirement of the task.
task achievement
Examples such as Bowky Lion add a personal touch and make the argument more relatable.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion structures are present, which gives the essay a clear beginning and end.
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