IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Expert say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with their family and friends, whereas, now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

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In the past, older
people
Use synonyms
 were
more happy
Correct word choice
happier
show examples
 and
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
show examples
, it was said
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the expert. The causes of
this
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
are because
show examples
 they
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
frequently
work-out
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 and
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
Linking Words
along
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with their loved ones,
such
Linking Words
 as family and
friends
Use synonyms
. The condition is different now, they face loneliness and health issues. One of
possible
Add an article
the possible
show examples
 roots of
this
Linking Words
 problem
due to
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 and the solution is
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 bring the old habits, like exercise and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their family and
friends
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
technology
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 lazy to move because they have
rely
Fix the infinitive
to rely
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 on
technology
Use synonyms
 excessively.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend's grandparents tend to choose
laying
Change the verb form
to lay
show examples
 on their beds all day and
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
 handphone
instead
Linking Words
 of
go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 out with their relatives. For them, it is more interesting to interact with their
friends
Use synonyms
 using
handphone
Correct article usage
a handphone
show examples
 without
face-to face-interactions
Correct your spelling
face-to-face interactions
show examples
. Not only that, but
also
Linking Words
 by laying on beds all the
time
Use synonyms
 indicates their body is not as good as when they
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 young.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 is
giving
Verb problem
having
show examples
 negative impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 case, older
people
Use synonyms
 must
be encourage
Change the verb form
be encouraged
show examples
 to do
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities they like and more focus on their family and
friends
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, my
parents
Use synonyms
 always engaged my grandmother to walk every morning. By
this
Linking Words
, my grandmother not only
move
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
 her body but
also
Linking Words
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 much
time
Use synonyms
 with my
parents
Use synonyms
. At some moments, my grandmother and her
friends
Use synonyms
 walking around in the park. It is a good thing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 others to engage their
parents
Use synonyms
 (old
people
Use synonyms
)
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 doing some
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 so they will not feel lonely. In conclusion,
technology
Use synonyms
 has bad impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from loneliness. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, young
people
Use synonyms
 can engage their
parents
Use synonyms
 to do some
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities together.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to clearly separate sentences and ideas to improve readability. There were instances where the sentence structure made it challenging to follow the logic and main points.
task achievement
To further improve your essay, introduce more specific examples and deeper analysis to strengthen your arguments. This will help provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and provides a clear response by identifying causes and solutions related to the issues older people are facing today compared to the past.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the argument and understand the writer's perspectives.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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