Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.
Keeping
animals
in captivity continues to be a controversial topic, and there are many social discussions about it. Most people
love animals
, and there are strong views on both sides, which I will consider now.
On the one hand, some people
think there is no reason to keep animals
in captivity. They believe that animals
need to live in their natural landscape, and not in a human-made place, where they become an attraction for tourists, who often don’t respect them. Moreover
, in the
Correct article usage
apply
nature
there is silence, whilst in zoos Add a comma
nature,
animals
are surrounded by people
laughing and shouting at them so they probably suffer. Lastly
, if animals
are fed by humans too long, they will lose their ability in searching
Change preposition
to search
food
and once they are free, they won’t be able to survive.
Change preposition
for food
On the other hand
, others believe that there are benefits for the animals
in being captured. In fact, animals
in zoos are often sick and humans help them with their illness. Then
they leave the animals
free when they are healthy again. In addition
, keep
an animal in captivity is a way to protect him, especially for some endangered species. Wrong verb form
keeping
This
creates are also
advantages for Add an article
the researcher
a researcher
researcher
, who can study Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
closer
Correct word choice
apply
animals
’ behavior
and understand how to help them when they are in the wild.
Change the spelling
behaviour
Overall
, I believe that keeping animals
in zoo
as a tourist attraction is always wrong and that if they are captured to be Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
help
because of an illness they don’t need to be shown to Wrong verb form
helped
people
. Animals
can stay in zoos as long as they are properly staffed and maintained.Submitted by ballotta.sofi on
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coherence cohesion
Good overall structure, but there's room for improved clarity in points made. Consider refining some of your arguments to make them more coherent.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion to reinforce your argument. This will give a more satisfying and convincing end to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, making the overall essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which provides a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Main points are generally supported with relevant arguments, indicating a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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