The chart below shows the average money spent per customer on various types of equipment in a Canadian sports store.

The chart below shows the average money spent per customer on various types of equipment in a Canadian sports store.
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The line graph gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about some trends related to how much money every
clients
Change to a singular noun
client
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spent on different sorts of equipment in a Canadian sports shop.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is evident when comparing these graphs that
football
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occupied higher cost than the other types of sport at the beginning and the end
during
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of
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2000 to 2020.
Also
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
while
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apply
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the figures
of
Change preposition
for
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people
Use synonyms
spent on tennis remained
a
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at a
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low level
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
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the period shown,with the minimum number in 2020. First and foremost,we can see that
football
Use synonyms
and swimming generally kept the rising trends
whereas
Linking Words
the opposite trend can be seen when we look at tennis and rugby.
However
Linking Words
,
football
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
had a stable decline
which is
Verb problem
,
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reaching
to
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apply
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40
dollars
Use synonyms
until
Change preposition
in
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2010,and started to rapidly grow to 60
dollars
Use synonyms
per
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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in 2020.Next,standing at 40
dollars
Use synonyms
per
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
,rugby experienced
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
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increase until 2010,
then
Linking Words
declined
at
Change preposition
for
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the rest of
this
Linking Words
period,and ended with the number of about 30
dollars
Use synonyms
per
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
football
Use synonyms
and rugby all fluctuated noticeably between these two decades,
whereas
Linking Words
swimming and tennis always maintained stable but contrary trends.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words football, people, dollars with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • revenue
  • consumer behavior
  • retail trends
  • sports equipment
  • outdoor/indoor/water/fitness equipment
  • comparative analysis
  • spending patterns
  • average purchase
  • market segment
  • financial quarter
  • seasonal variation
  • customer demographics
  • sales figures
  • percentile distribution
  • fluctuations
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