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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular countries for UK residents to visit.

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The graphs demonstrate two key features: the
number
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 of
visitsors
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visitors
 and
travelars
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travellers
 in the
UK
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 , and the most popular visited
nattions
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nations
 by
UK
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citizins
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citizens
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be
obsereved
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observed
 that over the years the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to the
UK
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 was slightly higher than the
number
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 of
UK
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 residents who
traveled
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travelled
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 abroad;
however
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, both
numbers
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 saw an increasing trend.
Additionally
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,
france
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France
show examples
 was the most
visitied
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visited
 country followed by
spain
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Spain
show examples
. In 1979 the
number
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 of incoming and outgoing people was relatively close with a minor difference of about 2
million
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travelars
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travellers
 but the
numbers
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 continued to increase at different rates ;
subsequentally
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subsequently
, by 1984 , the difference -in the rate- grew larger ,and the overseas
travelars
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travellers
numbers
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 continued to rise
dramtically
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dramatically
while
Linking Words
numbers
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 of
visitors
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 increased modestly.
In
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At
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 the end of the period,visits abroad reached over 50
million
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 ; visits to the
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Uk
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UK
show examples
,
however
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, were just below 30
million
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. The most visited nation by
UK
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citizins
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citizens
 is France with about 12
million
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visitors
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 in 1999 .
secondly
Linking Words
 came Spain which had over 9
million
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visitors
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.
Then
Linking Words
 both the USA and Greece had about 3
million
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oncomers
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consumers
incomers
 from the
UK
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 . Turkey came in
last
Linking Words
 with about 2
million
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vistors
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visitors
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, uk, visitors, numbers, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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