IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Percentage of UK people who consumed daily recommended amount of fruit and vegetable in 2002, 2006 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#percentage #uk #people #amount #fruit #vegetable #information #features #comparisons
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The recommended amount of
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and
fruits
Use synonyms
 eaten by UK citizens in the years 2002, 2006, and 2010 is represented in the form of bar graphs.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the highest proportion of
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and
fruits
Use synonyms
 was consumed by women, followed by men,
whereas
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 took the lesser share.
Firstly
Linking Words
, data from 2006 shows a sudden surge in the number of women who consumed more
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 (which is 32%) daily than their counterparts (men and
children
Use synonyms
 26%, 18% respectively).
Whereas
Linking Words
 in 2002 and 2010, both genders were eating moderately (males contributed 22%, and females 25%, 24% 26%, respectively). It is
also
Linking Words
 noted from the pictures that
children
Use synonyms
 in all the years
eaten
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
 significantly less in comparison to men and women in all three years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a sharp growth was noticed in 2006, when the number of
children
Use synonyms
 were eating 18% of
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and
fruits
Use synonyms
 daily.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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introduction conclusion
The introduction could be more detailed. You started well by mentioning the bar graphs, but you didn't clearly state the main trends or any meaningful comparison in the introduction. Adding more context could improve clarity.
clarity
Ensure all comparisons and key trends are clearly highlighted. There were gaps in the comparison sentence structure (e.g., 'males contributed 22%, and females 25%, 24% 26%, respectively' could be clearer).
clarity
Make sure the timeframe (years) mentioned is consistent. In places, it seems a bit repetitive. You could also discuss the purpose or importance of consuming the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables.
task
The essay generally covers the task and makes relevant comparisons between different groups and years.
structure
You demonstrated an admirable effort to structure the essay logically with key points highlighted for each group.
vocabulary
Using the phrase 'a sharp growth was noticed' adds variety to your vocabulary and makes the essay more engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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