There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.
While
it is widely debated that in order to become successful we must Linking Words
emphasis
more on Replace the word
emphasise
academic
performance of youngsters over Correct article usage
the academic
a practical
Correct the article-noun agreement
a practical subject
practical subjects
subjects
like physical education or cookery by removing these Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
out of
the curriculum, others argue that these Change preposition
from
subjects
are equally crucial as academic one and show Use synonyms
variety
of benefits for students as well. Both Add an article
a variety
the variety
point
of Fix the agreement mistake
points
views
and reasons why I support the latter statement will be Fix the agreement mistake
view
further
discussed in Linking Words
this
essay.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that academic Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
is
vital for achieving Change the verb form
are
in
a successful career path. Change preposition
apply
This
is Linking Words
possibly
because Replace the adverb
possible
the
society Correct article usage
apply
value
occupations that Correct subject-verb agreement
values
using
Wrong verb form
use
brain
over muscle, as a Correct article usage
the brain
consequences
, the job market is competitively high in Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
such
Linking Words
field
. It is understandable Fix the agreement mistake
fields
that
why many parents Correct word choice
apply
forcing
their Wrong verb form
force
child
to perform well in Fix the agreement mistake
children
such
logical, theoretical and subjective Linking Words
lessons
in order to outshine Use synonyms
the
others for better jobs.
Correct article usage
apply
However
, I personally argue in favour of Linking Words
such
practical Linking Words
lessons
as not everyone can perform well Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
such
complex and sophisticated Linking Words
subjects
. Despite the fact that these skills rarely get attention from the public, Use synonyms
it
still Correct pronoun usage
they
offer
Change the verb form
offers
a
success for some people as well since Remove the article
apply
highly
academic performance does not always Change the word
high
guaranteed
a definite result but Change the verb form
guarantee
more
of Correct quantifier usage
apply
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
possibilty
Correct your spelling
possibility
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
Add an article
a success
success
. To exemplify, some Replace the word
successful
athelethes
who Correct your spelling
athletes
spent
most of their time Wrong verb form
spend
practice
can be successful with a victory in an Wrong verb form
practising
Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
games
than a 9-to-5 Fix the agreement mistake
game
jobs
that might be no career progress.
In summary, Fix the agreement mistake
job
although
it is undeniable academic Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
is
tremendously play Unnecessary verb
apply
vital
role Add an article
a vital
for
children's success, I am of the opinion that the non-academic Change preposition
in
Use synonyms
subjects
positive outcome Change noun form
subjects'
subject's
outweight
its weight Correct your spelling
outweigh
out weight
outweighs
its
detrimental effect Correct word choice
and its
of
study time and strongly suggest Change preposition
on
to
remain these Change preposition
that
lessons
in the curriculum.Use synonyms
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout. Sharpen the connection between your arguments and the central theme.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words effectively to improve readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and elaborate on them to make your arguments more compelling.
functional language
Review grammatical structures and vocabulary usage to minimize errors, which can obscure or muddle your points. This will improve clarity and overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, demonstrating your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
task achievement
There are some valid points and relevant examples introduced, which help to illustrate your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.