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Writing Samples /
Band 3

The propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

#propotion #income #adults #children #items #uk
The chart compares the amount of British people's income spent on 4
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of tools in 1998.
Overall
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
adults
 were
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on
food
 in the highest proportion.
Children
 were
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 their income on
music
. The
adults
 especially
men
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
food
 about 14%
and
Change preposition
on and
show examples
 women
used to
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 around 39 per
cent
 on
food
. In total
adults
 were used 25% for
food
.
Children
boys
were spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 9% on
food
 and
girls
were used to
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 11 per
cent
 on nutrition. Generally,
children
 were spent 10%.
Men's
Correct article usage
The men's
show examples
 category there 10%
expenditure
 on electronic devices.
Woman
Fix the agreement mistake
Women
show examples
 used to only 1% on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. In total,
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
expenditure
 is 5 per
cent
.
Boys
 were spent on electronic devices about 18% and
girls
 were used to 5% on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. In the category of
music
Add a comma
music,
show examples
children
 were used to 39 per
cent
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overall
.
Boys
expenditure
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 38% and
girls
 were used to 40% on
music
.
Adults
 in general
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent only 5%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
music
.
Men
 were used to 5% and women's
expenditure
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 5% respectively on
music
.
Children
's
overall
expenditure
 was 12 per
cent
 on
videos
.
Boys
 were used to 18% and
girls
were spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 19% on
videos
.
Adults
Change noun form
Adults'
Adult's
show examples
 total
expenditure
 was only 1 per
cent
 for
videos
.
Men
 were used to 2% and women
were spend
Change the verb form
were spending
show examples
 about 0,5% on
videos
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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clarity
Ensure that the grammar and vocabulary used are accurate. This will help improve the clarity and coherence of the essay.
structure
Work on creating a more detailed and structured introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your thoughts and understand the overall direction of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed comparisons and analyses of the data. This can help in achieving a higher score for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and describes the expenditure on different items clearly.
supported main points
The main points are supported with specific data, which strengthens the response.
logical structure
A good effort has been made to separate the comparisons into different categories.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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