IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

#propotion #income #adults #children #items #uk
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The chart compares the amount of British people's income spent on 4
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of tools in 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 were
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on
food
Use synonyms
 in the highest proportion.
Children
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 were
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 their income on
music
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. The
adults
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 especially
men
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
food
Use synonyms
 about 14%
and
Change preposition
on and
show examples
 women
used to
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 around 39 per
cent
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 on
food
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. In total
adults
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 were used 25% for
food
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.
Children
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boys
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were spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 9% on
food
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 and
girls
Use synonyms
were used to
Verb problem
spent
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 11 per
cent
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 on nutrition. Generally,
children
Use synonyms
 were spent 10%.
Use synonyms
Men's
Correct article usage
The men's
show examples
 category there 10%
expenditure
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 on electronic devices.
Woman
Fix the agreement mistake
Women
show examples
 used to only 1% on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. In total,
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adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
expenditure
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 is 5 per
cent
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.
Boys
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 were spent on electronic devices about 18% and
girls
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 were used to 5% on electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. In the category of
Use synonyms
music
Add a comma
music,
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children
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 were used to 39 per
cent
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
.
Boys
Use synonyms
expenditure
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 38% and
girls
Use synonyms
 were used to 40% on
music
Use synonyms
.
Adults
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 in general
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent only 5%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
music
Use synonyms
.
Men
Use synonyms
 were used to 5% and women's
expenditure
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 5% respectively on
music
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
's
overall
Linking Words
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was 12 per
cent
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 on
videos
Use synonyms
.
Boys
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 were used to 18% and
girls
Use synonyms
were spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 19% on
videos
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Adults
Change noun form
Adults'
Adult's
show examples
 total
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was only 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for
videos
Use synonyms
.
Men
Use synonyms
 were used to 2% and women
were spend
Change the verb form
were spending
show examples
 about 0,5% on
videos
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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clarity
Ensure that the grammar and vocabulary used are accurate. This will help improve the clarity and coherence of the essay.
structure
Work on creating a more detailed and structured introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your thoughts and understand the overall direction of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed comparisons and analyses of the data. This can help in achieving a higher score for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and describes the expenditure on different items clearly.
supported main points
The main points are supported with specific data, which strengthens the response.
logical structure
A good effort has been made to separate the comparisons into different categories.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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