Nowadays both men and women spend much money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
it has been a common trend that both male and female parties focus more on
beauty
Use synonyms
compared to past
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
. In my
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
behind
this
Linking Words
and possible outcomes. Mainly,
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mass media and social media emphasize more on
beauty
Use synonyms
tips in every body part both internally and externally.
Moreover
Linking Words
, doctors encourage
people
Use synonyms
to have a proper skin rate routine
Correct word choice
and encourange
show examples
encourange
Correct your spelling
encourage
people
Use synonyms
to spend more on
beauty
Use synonyms
care.
Addinitionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, technological advancements in
Use synonyms
beauty
Correct article usage
the beauty
show examples
industry led to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
wide range of
beauty
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
and treatments. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, hydra facials, laser hair removal
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
botox and many more are famous
around
Change preposition
among
show examples
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
generation.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can bring
boh
Correct your spelling
both
show examples
positive and negative outcomes
such
Linking Words
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
visiting to
salon
Add an article
the salon
a salon
show examples
,
spa
Correct word choice
or spa
show examples
can bring
relaxtation
Correct your spelling
relaxation
to
daily
Add an article
a daily
show examples
stressful life.
For instance
Linking Words
,
relaxing
Correct article usage
a relaxing
show examples
massage and having a good facial
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
a treatment and
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
to
relaxing
Correct article usage
a relaxing
show examples
mind. Spending too much money on these
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
not suitable and there are places which
sells
Change the verb form
sell
show examples
cheap
products
Use synonyms
to customers and
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
have to spend more money to
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
cured. Apart from that imitating other
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
skin care
Correct your spelling
skincare
show examples
and using
products
Use synonyms
not suitable to the skin can
worse
Correct your spelling
worsen
show examples
the situation. In conclusion, spending money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
beauty
Use synonyms
trends become popular today
due to
Linking Words
various reasons and using all the skincare
products
Use synonyms
which are suitable and proper
standarda
Correct your spelling
standards
standard
can bring
relaxing
Add an article
a relaxing
show examples
and healthy lifestyle.
Submitted by pererahimasha10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each sentence supports this main idea. Organizing your essay into clear paragraphs will make your arguments more coherent.
task achievement
Work on improving the accuracy of your language. For example, ensure that you’re using the correct form of words (e.g., ‘encourage’ instead of ‘encouranged’).
task achievement
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. This will help improve both coherence and cohesion and task achievement scores.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear response to the topic, discussing both reasons and outcomes related to the increase in spending on beauty care.
task achievement
Examples such as 'hydra facials, laser hair removal, and botox' help illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction and ends with an appropriate conclusion, which contributes to a logical structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • media influence
  • idealized beauty standards
  • disposable income
  • economic prosperity
  • technological advancements
  • beauty products and services
  • cultural shifts
  • social contexts
  • personal health and wellness
  • self-care routines
What to do next:
Look at other essays: