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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the table shows people in various categories that is humanities education Scoence Physics ITn and Engineering. Summarize the data.

the table shows people in various categories that is humanities education Scoence Physics ITn and Engineering. Summarize the data.
The table provides data about groups
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
males
Use synonyms
, not English
speakers
Use synonyms
 and born outside of Australia, in six different
categoties
Correct your spelling
categories
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 show higher points, than others.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the highest amount of people in the field of humanities
that is
Linking Words
 72 per
cent
Use synonyms
 are females,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest 12
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 people with
another languages
Replace the adjective
another language
other languages
show examples
. The
midle
Correct your spelling
middle
point
Use synonyms
 is 20,
belongs
Correct pronoun usage
which belongs
show examples
 to individuals from abroad. In the field of
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
 the highest
point
Use synonyms
 is 68 per
cent
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
among
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
,
wherease
Correct your spelling
whereas
 the lowest is 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of not native
speakers
Use synonyms
, and similar to 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of tourists. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 half of a hundred
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 from
sciences
Fix the agreement mistake
science
show examples
 classes and 31
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
torists
Correct your spelling
tourists
. Individuals with
another languages
Replace the adjective
another language
other languages
show examples
 are higher
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
. and 56 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 were in physics and 38 of not native
speakers
Use synonyms
. The highest per
cent
Use synonyms
 in IT
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 was 56 and among tourists,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
17
Add a missing verb
was 17
show examples
about
Change preposition
among
show examples
males
Use synonyms
. It doubled to 49 among the foreign
speakers
Use synonyms
. Engineering
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
 showed the highest
point
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 48 and 42
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 among tourists and not native
speakers
Use synonyms
. The lowest
point
Use synonyms
 was 15 among
males
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is, while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, speakers, cent, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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