Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many people think that only
men
must practice military service; whereas
, others argue that women
must be given this
opportunity. This
shift is primarily due to
issues that women
in this
society encounters
Change the verb form
encounter
such
as facing harassments
. Another Fix the agreement mistake
harassment
reasons
why people underscore the training significant to Replace the adjective
reason
women
is to opt military as a career.
To begin
with, countries must provide girls
with this
chance to participate in the
military practice, soon after they leave school. Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, women
encounter bullying and harassments
in public areas. Military training will provide them strength and courage to face Fix the agreement mistake
harassment
these situation
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
,
and will aid them Remove the comma
apply
use
their military techniques to protect themselves. Add the particle
to use
In addition
, training through military
will help them to be confident and stand Correct article usage
the military
for
the innocents, who are unable to speak for themselves. Change preposition
up for
For example
, in South Korea, it is mandatory for both the
genders to practice military, especially Correct article usage
apply
women
to support themselves. Therefore
, it is crucial that women
must adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
this
system.
Moreover
, many individuals, especially men
, opt military as their career, and it only
considered by Add a missing verb
is only
few
Correct article usage
a few
girls
because of the male dominance in this
professions
. Fix the agreement mistake
profession
Consequently
, opening doors
of Correct article usage
the doors
this
system will allow more girls
to participate in
and will elevate their interests. Not only Change preposition
apply
this
, it will encourage girls
to equally take part in wars along with
the men
to protect their homeland and exhibit patriotism. Many countries in north Asia such
as Japan, Korea, and China have amended their constitutions because they think that women
are an intrinsic part of society.
To conclude
, it is imperative that governments must make ministry
system open to Correct article usage
the ministry
women
of
Change preposition
in
the
society to ensure Correct article usage
apply
a
protection and safety of the community. Together both Correct article usage
the
men
and women
will endeavor to protect civilians' rights.Submitted by uroojzulqernain on
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grammar
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage (e.g., 'issues that women in this society encounters' should be 'issues that women in this society encounter').
content development
Elaborate on your main points with more detailed examples or evidence to make the argument stronger and more convincing.
structure
Focus on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear and concise topic sentence that directly relates to the question. This helps in maintaining coherence.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt well by discussing both the current situation and the potential changes in the context of mandatory military service for both men and women.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and are well-structured, providing a clear framework for the essay.
task response
The essay contains relevant points about the benefits of military training for women and examples to support these points, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?