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Band 5.5

Your university is conducting a survey to know how many work hurs shouldbe permitted to students i n a week time. The niversity has sent out an opinionsurvey to see what students think about it. weekly hours for students: Option A: Less than 15 hours per week in a single job Option B: More than 20 hours per week with all multiple jobs hours added.

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I consider that limited
work
hours
 per week focused on one job will be more beneficial to
students
 than spending more than 20
hours
 working at multiple jobs. Despite the fact that option B offers more practical and finance ial benefits, option A still preserves a healthy balance between the academic and the personal life. Conducting a
work
-life balance is paramount since being
Correct article usage
a
show examples
full-time student demands time management skills.
Also
, limiting
work
hours
 helps
students
 to take over their obligations
such
 as assignments, examinations, and projects. Based on my personal experience, working part-time allows you to have an equitable relationship between being a worker, a wife, and a student.
In contrast
, if
students
work
 more than 20
hours
, they won't be able to do extracurricular activities, participate in social interactions or enjoy their journey.
Moreover
, to maintain lower stress levels will play an important role in mental health.
Thus
, addressing a part-time job will be more beneficial than working full-time. Studying and working at the same time might be not only pretty demanding
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 stressful. These are the main reasons why I strongly consider that
students
 should
work
 less than 15
hours
 per week outside the campus.
Finally
, I appreciate the opportunity to provide my input regarding
this
 concern.
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Response, it would be helpful to further elaborate on the arguments presented in favor of Option A. Adding more relevant and specific examples could strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to make the essay flow even more smoothly between points. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, providing a strong closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with logical progression of ideas. The points in support of limited working hours are organized and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Academic performance
  • Mental health
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Future career
  • Financial stability
  • Stress management
  • Time management
  • Scholarships
  • On-campus jobs
  • Tuition fees
  • Living expenses
  • Social engagement
  • Professional skills
  • Part-time employment
  • Study workload
  • University resources
  • Career development
  • Financial aid
  • Job experience
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