Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are undergraduates who are willing to acquire a wide range of academic knowledge, which are different from their main subjects
On the contrary
, others contend that concentrating students
' time on their main subject is crucial. Although
it is admittedly important to focus on their primary subject to streamline their skills, I firmly believe that comprehending other academic fields
would diversify students
' skills and personalities.
One of the primary purposes to study
at the Change preposition
of studying
university-level
is to obtain specific skills and understanding in a field each student Correct your spelling
university level
want
to pursue his/her careerCorrect subject-verb agreement
wants
in
. Change preposition
apply
That is
to say, becoming a professional is a cardinal facet of higher education. For instance
, some choose to study finance and economics because they aspire to work in fields
, such
as investment banking and private equity. Nonetheless
, it is worth stating that people who merely focus on their studies often lack a
common sense and Correct article usage
apply
basic
understanding of the world, and those people tend not to succeed in the field.
Some Correct article usage
a basic
students
are keen to study other fields
whilst continuing their primary field because it develops a diverse understanding of the environment encompassing them. Working in a company often entails the
interaction with scores of people with different backgrounds, and basic knowledge of other academic Correct article usage
apply
fields
is likely to help individuals to establish robust connections. For example
, many universities in the U.S. and Europe have liberal arts courses for this
particular reason. Hence
, I declare that studying other academic fields
is highly beneficial for college graduates.
In conclusion, I argue that diversifying undergraduates' interests and knowledges
is paramount for their success. Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
On the other hand
, I do not think that merely focusing on primary subjects makes students
successful after graduating the university.Submitted by 20dm056e on
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task achievement
Your essay offers a complete response to the prompt and addresses both views well. However, ensure to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction to provide a clearer overview of your argumentation.
task achievement
Some sentences could benefit from more clarity and precision. For instance, phrases like 'common sense' could be more specific. Additionally, while examples are relevant, more detailed elaboration can further strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured, transition words and phrases (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally') could be used more consistently to enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion restates your opinion and summarizes the main points well. Consider making it slightly more detailed to reinforce your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively presents the two contrasting views, and your thesis statement is clear.
task achievement
The points you raised are relevant and well-connected to the main topic. Your use of specific examples, such as universities in the U.S. and Europe, adds weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises your viewpoint and the main points discussed in the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.