Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Leisure
activities
are important in human life; since our brain
cannot operate 100% under stress conditions. In fact, our brain
will grow if we give some time
to rest after we learn or put some information in it. Especially, Children will be very sensitive to this kind
of things; Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
hence
their brain
are growing rapidly Fix the agreement mistake
brains
on
these ages. Personally, I am certain youngsters need a break without education; Change preposition
at
hence
education will put burdens on the brain
. Yet, some people believe that children’s leisure
activities
must be educational, otherwise
they are a complete waste of time
.
Firstly
, our brain
are not machines; Fix the agreement mistake
brains
therefore
, resting is also
part of our developments
. Actually, Fix the agreement mistake
development
leisure
activities
without any works
are the best Fix the agreement mistake
work
time
for brain
to grow. Add an article
the brain
Moreover
, children need those things the most. Many people would argue that giving their children a break time
. They might claim that resting without learning is waste
of Correct article usage
a waste
time
.
To begin
with, based on research in 2020 which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show
us Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
80
% of Correct word choice
that 80
young
generation will have Add an article
the young
higher
IQ or Correct article usage
a higher
intelligent
than Replace the word
intelligence
averages
if they have much rest after learning. Fix the agreement mistake
average
Moreover
, they are calmer to face problems that occur. On the other hand
, some parents will yell and angry
Add a missing verb
be angry
to
their Change preposition
at
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
one
if they are slacking off.
In conclusion, I believe that children’s Fix the agreement mistake
ones
leisure
activities
must be free from educational
; Replace the word
education
hence
their brains will grow faster too. Whilst educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
are
important, we cannot force it on them Correct subject-verb agreement
is
any
Change preposition
at any
time
. Remember, they are human
not robots.Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Submitted by riani.the2 on
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task achievement
Your essay currently expresses a clear stance on the topic and provides some reasonable arguments. However, the task achievement score could be increased by better developing these arguments and providing more specific examples that substantiate your points.
task achievement
Work on simplifying and clarifying your ideas for better comprehensibility. Some sentences are complex and can be broken down for better readability. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The essay can improve its logical structure by ensuring that there is a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and that each paragraph logically follows the one before it. Try to avoid repetition and stay focused on the main point of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Conclude each main point effectively before moving to the next. More connective words and phrases can help the flow of your ideas, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'However,' to show contrast or addition of ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear background about the essential nature of leisure activities and expresses your viewpoint clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a consistent viewpoint throughout, arguing against the necessity of educational leisure activities.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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