In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night until they are accompanied by an adult while others believe that teenagers should be given the freedom to move. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

n recent years, the government of
U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
show examples
has implemented a rule that the young generation cannot go outside at
night
time
without the accompany
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
adults. I believe that
this
law is perfect for making the pupils safe. The first and foremost reason is the Increasing number of crimes .Nowadays crime rates have been
inclined
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
in every part of the world,
due to
which late
night
curfew is imposed in the U.S. There are various types of criminals who become active at
night
time
to kidnap small
children
and young people so they can use them for doing criminal activities. In the starting they involve them in stealing small stuff when they are trained in these things they indulge them in drug deals which is not good for them.
As a result
, 80% of
children
are killed by criminals.
Moreover
, It is
also
important that teenagers complete their 8 hours of sleep at
night
because sleep is a must if they don't get proper sleep they might get so many health issues in the
incoming
Correct your spelling
coming
show examples
time
.So they should avoid going outdoors at
night
time
instead
they can freely play games in the morning and afternoon
time
.
Furthermore
, If they stay at home it will
also
work as a stress reliever for their parents, because in the contemporary era , parents have a very very busy schedule in the
daytimetime
Correct your spelling
daytime time
so they
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
enjoy their
time
with their kids .But when
children
won't go outside they can spend some
time
with each other which will be helpful to make a strong family bond. in conclusion ,
According to
my point of view,
this
curfew law is very beneficial for
children
as well as
parents .
Submitted by jass.sekhon4693 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph flows clearly into the next. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
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Include more specific examples to support your points. Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and precise.
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Proofread your work to avoid grammatical and spelling mistakes. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a clear opinion, which is crucial for a high band score.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view and relevant points regarding the teen curfew law.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitional phrases like 'Moreover' and 'Furthermore' shows an attempt to organize the essay coherently.

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • curfew
  • juvenile crime rates
  • unsupervised
  • alleviate parental worry
  • dangerous situations
  • foster a sense of responsibility
  • discipline
  • time management
  • productive activities
  • restrict freedom
  • resentment
  • rebellious behavior
  • mistrusted
  • strain relationships
  • promote independence
  • self-reliance
  • navigate the world
  • decision-making
  • juvenile delinquency
  • community engagement programs
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