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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others say that the amount of time spent watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People have different views about whether
children
Use synonyms
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 is more influenced by the nature of
content
Correct article usage
the content
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 or the duration of
television
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 watching.
This
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 essay will delve into/ discuss both viewpoints before presenting a personal opinion. Proponents of the view that the quantity of
time
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spend
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spent
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 watching
television
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 is more influential argue that excessive screen
time
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 has far-reaching consequences on
children
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's
overall
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 well-being.
Children
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 by prolonged
television
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 viewing are following a sedentary lifestyle, because of
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 in their physical activities, contributing to health issues,
such
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 as obesity and heart attack. The sheer amount of
time
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 glued to the screen can
also
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 result in social isolation. If
children
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 spend a long
time
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 in front of the TV, it can limit their opportunities for meaningful interactions with peers and family members.
This
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 reduction in face-to-face communication can hinder essential social skills,
such
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 as effective communication.
For example
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, a child who spends hours watching
television
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instead
Linking Words
 of playing with friends may struggle to build and maintain a relationship, resulting
to
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in
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 a sense of loneliness.
However
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, the impact of content cannot be overlooked. Advocates who have the view of the more influence of content assert it can profoundly shape
children
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's attitudes and actions. When they are exposed to
programs
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 filled with violent or inappropriate material,
this
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 can lead to aggressive
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
For example
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,
children
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 who frequently watch violent cartoons may become desensitized to violence, viewing it as an acceptable means to solve problems. Actually, it can blur the line between acceptable and unacceptable actions, making them more prone to mimic these
behaviors
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behaviours
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 in real life.
Conversely
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, educational
programs
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 can foster positive attributes
such
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 as empathy. By showing cultural
programs
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,
for instance
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, are more likely to broaden their horizons about different perspectives and cultures which can facilitate making
relationship
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relationships
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 in the interconnected world and enhance empathy towards other cultures. In conclusion, I believe that messages conveyed through TV
programs
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 can have
lasting
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a lasting
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 impact on
children
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's
behavior
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behaviour
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,
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apply
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 because even minimal exposure to harmful materials can have lasting negative effects.
However
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, the amount of
time
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 should be monitored by parents to prevent its implications.

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task achievement
Your essay presents both views effectively and gives a clear personal opinion, which fulfills the task requirements well. To enhance your task response, you could provide more specific examples and further elaborate on each point a bit more.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and your argument progression is clear, but there are occasional awkward phrasings. To improve coherence and cohesion, refine transitions between sentences and ensure that each idea flows smoothly to the next.
introduction conclusion present
You provide a clear introduction that outlines the essay's direction and a conclusion that summarizes your stance effectively
logical structure
You present two sides of the argument and back them up with logical explanations, which helps in maintaining a balanced discussion

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence behaviour
  • violent content
  • inappropriate content
  • educational programs
  • role models
  • aggressive behaviour
  • positive behaviour
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical health issues
  • social interactions
  • social skills
  • parental involvement
  • moderate impact
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