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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #fulltime #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
the comparison
show examples
 of both genders
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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countinued
Correct your spelling
continued
continue
 their
education
Use synonyms
 in three different decades whether it part-
time
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education
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 or
ful-
Correct your spelling
full-time
time
Use synonyms
education
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it clearly shows that both males and females of
part
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part-time
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time
Use synonyms
students
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 got the highest average in all 3 decades compared to
full
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full-time
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time
Use synonyms
students
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. The
numbers
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 of
females
Change the noun form
female
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
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 increase respectively through 30 years from almost 750
thousand
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 in
year
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 70/71 , 850
thousand
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 in
year
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 80/81 and 1100
thousand
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 in 90/91.
In addition
Linking Words
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
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also
Linking Words
 increased and started at very low
numbers
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 by less than 100
thousand
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then
Linking Words
 it jumped sharply more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double in
year
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 80/81
then
Linking Words
 it
countiued
Correct your spelling
continued
to grow to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
aproxmaty
Correct your spelling
approximately
 300
thousand
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.
Part
Add a hyphen
Part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
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 for males figure began high
exactly
Change preposition
at exactly
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 1000
thousand
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 in 70/71
then
Linking Words
 dropped by 200
thousand
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then
Linking Words
 went back up in
early
Change the article
the early
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 90s to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
900
thousand
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 figures in
ful
Correct your spelling
full
time
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 went different it started 100
thousand
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 in
70s
Change the article
the 70s
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then
Linking Words
 the
numbers
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 got higher to be 300
thousand
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 90/91.
Submitted by may.al.zemami on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, time, students, numbers, thousand, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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