Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement
#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation
n
Correct your spelling
In
this
contemporary epoch, technological advancements play an intrinsic part in our lifestyles. However
, many people believe that use
of Correct article usage
the use
technology
in multiple systems has deleterious impacts on humanity. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
other
view that there are more positive aspects of the Fix the agreement mistake
others
technology
rather than negative repercussions. I concur with the perspective that technology
has improved our lifestyles in many ways, which I will present later in this
essay .
To begin
with, the usage of technology
such
as mobiles
phones, computers, and Change the noun form
mobile
laptop
is ubiquitous. Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
Moreover
, technology
has made lives easier because it is expeditious. For Example
, in
healthcare Change preposition
apply
systems
it has introduced machines which perform surgeries with efficiency to cure Add a comma
systems,
Add an article
the illness
an illness
illness
that Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
were
once abstruse through surgical intervention Change the verb form
was
such
as removal
of kidney stones. Correct article usage
the removal
However
, people are afraid because many doctors and staff can use it for their benefit and may exploit patients. This
could be improved if the organizations impose strict laws.
Another reason of
why Change preposition
apply
technology
is so reliable because
of Add a missing verb
is because
it's
fastidious nature. Correct your spelling
its
Technology
is very particular in maintaining the
accuracy. To illustrate, at the airports or in bus stations where Correct article usage
apply
plethora
of people visit Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
and
their data is automatically generated in a very precise time. Correct word choice
apply
Therefore
, number
of mistakes made by a machine Change the article
a number
the number
are
low compared to human ability. But, at times it may spread false information about an individual and can spark controversies. But, now companies considering Change the verb form
is
to develop
Change the verb form
developing
advance
gadgets to control it.
Replace the word
advanced
To conclude
, despite the fact that technology
may cause a dangerous situation, it's
advantages are prevalent in the communities. Replace the word
its
Therefore
, to minimize the
Correct article usage
apply
wrong doings
it is important that Correct your spelling
wrongdoings
government
Correct article usage
the government
must
work together Verb problem
apply
companies
and organizations; take effective steps and build strategies to eschew it.Change preposition
with companies
Submitted by uroojzulqernain on
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language
Try to avoid using comparatively uncommon and complex words (e.g., 'expeditious', 'plethora', 'abstruse') when simpler, more commonly understood equivalents would suffice. It makes the essay more reader-friendly.
content
Improve the balance of your arguments. Make sure that both sides (agree and disagree) are equally represented. Your essay leans more towards the positive aspects of technology, which can make it seem unbalanced.
content
When addressing potential problems or dangers, it is beneficial to provide clearer examples and possible solutions to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
structure
Work on paragraph transitions to make them smoother. Clearer linkage between sentences and paragraphs will improve flow and coherence, thereby enhancing your argument.
content
The essay is very clear in presenting a positive view of technology and provides specific examples (e.g., healthcare systems, airport data) to support its points.
structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a constructive solution (i.e., government and companies working together). This demonstrates critical thinking and problem-solving ability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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