IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the different types of activities attended by three groups of people living in the UK in 2005. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the different types of activities attended by three groups of people living in the UK in 2005. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart illustrates the proportion of people from different age groups attending four types of activities in the UK in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Going to the cinema was the most popular activity of
adults
Use synonyms
 and
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
Whereas
Linking Words
 the elderly preferred visiting a library the most compared to others. As can be seen from the graph,
Adults
Use synonyms
 and
teenagers
Use synonyms
 seemed to have similar interests.They were mostly desired in going to the cinema,which was 70% in
teenagers
Use synonyms
 followed by 65% in
adults
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three activities were occupied by
adults
Use synonyms
 more than
teenagers
Use synonyms
.Visiting a museum,visiting a library and shopping were attended by
adults
Use synonyms
,occupying 50%,40% and 25% respectively.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 showed the same interest trends ,but the proportion
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 5% less which was 45%,35% and 20% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the elderly had different interests.The most common activity among them was visiting a library which was 55%.Followed closely by going to the cinema and visiting a museum,occupying 50% and 35% respectively.The
less
Rephrase
most
show examples
 popular activity was shopping taking part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 only 10%.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, teenagers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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