IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fresh water is a limited in some parts of the world. Today, Increasing demand made it a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand, what measure can government and individuals take to solve problem?

#water #parts #world #demand #measure #government #individuals
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Water
Use synonyms
suply
Correct your spelling
supply
 is
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 part of human survival and there is
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
the increasing
show examples
demand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fresh
water
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 all across the globe.
Human´s
Change noun form
Humans
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 are using more and more fresh
water
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 and that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 made
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
demand
Use synonyms
 a global
problem
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. I am going to
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 some causes for
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
demand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fresh
water
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 and give some advice to solve that
problem
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.
First,
Linking Words
human´s
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humans
show examples
 are using
water
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 more than just drinking,
for example
Linking Words
, washing laundry uses
lot
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a lot
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 of
water
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, same as washing dishes and showering. People even wash
even
Rephrase
apply
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their cars with fresh
water
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.
Also
Linking Words
, farming and
agiculture
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agriculture
 are
consumin
Correct your spelling
consuming
 huge
amount
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amounts
show examples
 of fresh
water
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.
Thats
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That's
show examples
sayed
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said
show examples
,
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apply
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 when people´s
well being
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well-being
show examples
 increases,
water
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 consumption increases.
People´s
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People
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demand
Use synonyms
 more food and more comfort.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should take action to help solve
global
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the global
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
with
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of
show examples
water
Use synonyms
demand
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they could limit citizen´s
water
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suply
Correct your spelling
supply
, that alone will help to save lots of fresh
water
Use synonyms
.
Correct article usage
The Goverment
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Goverment
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Government
 should
also
Linking Words
 educate
citizen´s
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citizens
show examples
 to save
water
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, schools and
buss
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bus
show examples
 stop
adds
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ads
show examples
 could be great
place
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places
show examples
 to start. That would increase
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
fresh
Correct article usage
the fresh
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water
Use synonyms
demand
Use synonyms
problem
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. People might notice how important fresh
water
Use synonyms
 is.
However
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, despite all
actions
Correct article usage
the actions
show examples
 listed above, individual has
biggest
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the biggest
show examples
 impact
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fresh
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water
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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demand
Use synonyms
problem
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. That be
sayed
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said
show examples
, everyone should pay attention
of
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to
show examples
 their own
water
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consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
. People need to think,
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 measures they can
do
Verb problem
take
show examples
 to save fresh
water
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, can they take quicker showers,
can
Correct word choice
and can
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 they wash laundry less
frequantly
Correct your spelling
frequently
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Those are great small steps to take for lesser
fresh
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freshwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.
Me personally
Correct pronoun usage
Personally
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am taking small actions to save fresh
water
Use synonyms
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think everyone else
need´s
Correct your spelling
needs
show examples
 to do that
also
Linking Words
.
Submitted by paronen91 on

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task response
To improve your task response, ensure that you address all parts of the question in equal detail. The essay should provide a balanced discussion of the causes and solutions.
task response
Work on using advanced vocabulary and a range of sentence structures to make your ideas clearer and more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use linking words and phrases more effectively to clearly illustrate the connections between your ideas. This will help strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more effectively: use clear paragraphing where each paragraph touches upon a single main idea and follows with supporting points and examples.
introduction and conclusion present
You provided a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
supported main points
You have highlighted important issues related to water consumption, such as the role of agriculture and individual consumption habits.
introduction and conclusion present
The essay contains a conclusion that reaffirms the importance of individual responsibility.
clear comprehensive ideas
Overall, the main points are relevant to the topic and address the question prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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